Howdy ho, ladies and gentlemen, I'm Psychotic. You may know me as the guy who has won approximately 150 Ciddies, and is on course to take at least 30 more this time around. You want the Best Spammer Ciddie, don't you? But your pitiful efforts in the Ciddies thread got deleted! Oh gosh no! You need to improve, and fast. With my guidance, you just might snatch the win.
These are some of the "tricks of the trade" which guided me to those victories. Use them well.
1) The random letters.
Nothing says "Whoa! That guy is wacky and off-the-chain! He's not even typing real words! HOW IS HE DOING THIS?!?!" like mashing the keyboard. Here is a sample:
POKAKOPKPOAASIBBAISdaadj;A:JAO:SJ:OA:JOSA:Jo;jd;kosrkrkrseo;knjAknankj
Try it. Try it right now. Once you've mastered this simple technique, why not try customising it by including numbers too? They'll never know what hit them!
2) The "Spam!"
How will they know you're not posting spam, and therefore are the best spammer, if you don't tell them that? Answer: THEY WON'T! So shout it loud and proud!
SPAM SPAM SPAMMITY SPAMMERSON SPAM-O-RAMA!
Those last bits were my own little addition. Adding suffixes to the word spam makes you all the more impressive as a spammer.
3) The image macro.
When the Crusaders went to the Holy Land, they came back with exotic things such as arabic numerals. Those of us who have had the dubious pleasure of witnessing the internet equivalent, 4chan, may return with humorous image macros. They're old hat over there, but they're totally new to the uncultured EoFFers and they'll become HILARIOUS all over again!
Here's a starter kit for you:
I'm sure you can find your own, too!
Also, try using words and phrases from there, such as "moar" "DO NOT WANT" "so i herd u liek mudkips". Brilliant stuff! You'll have 'em rolling in the aisles, you will!
4) Quote Pyramids.
The quote pyramid is a double-edged sword, however. You'll be teaming up with one or more members, and THEY might be the one to get noticed! Survival of the fittest, guys. Better to just quote yourself over and over again.Originally Posted by Silvermog
lolYup. I'd say we look hecka cool right about now.They're like FORUMS DYNAMITE!lol
:sophia: :shoot:
VERY, VERY IMPORTANT TIP!
A long time ago, I was the top dog spammer. I had it all. Women, drugs, wrecked hotel rooms...you name it, I did it. I even went into rehab and following that, had a successful comeback tour. But now...now I'm past it. I PM yuna_summoner26 and I say "See that spammy guy? That used to be me. I used to be #1, baby. Wanna smurf?" She says "lol! phycotic?? i think my mom used to like u!!!" and I die a little inside. I see you kids, doing your spam, and they eat it up. It's nowhere near as good as mine was...you just don't get it, guys. You just don't get what it means to be a spammer. Damnit, if I still had your young, fresh bodies, I'd be tearin' ass all over the forums.
It's the same for Del Murder, and the same for Yamaneko. We're bitter. We want your success. We'll make snide little comments about the quality of your spam. And here's the tip: do not make the common mistake of thinking that anybody gives aabout what we have to say. Go on, bite back. That's what we want. We're better than you, smarter than you, funnier than you. We'll pull you apart in a smack-talk shoot-out, and you'll look like a fool in front of the entire forums. A simple "Dad, nobody wants to hear your stupid Vietnam stories!" will suffice, and you'll earn double points for making a pop culture reference.
Now, ShlupQuack is a different kettle of fish altogether. She can't bear anybody other than herself to be the centre of attention, and as soon as you start your meteoric rise to fame, she'll straight out call you a jackass or an idiot. She must be fought hand-to-hand, but fret not; she's easy enough to defeat. Shlup is a bona fide woman on the internet, and like all women, she has a fatal weakness. Make subtle comments about her weight, and she'll soon run away sobbing, perhaps to gobble cakes to ease away the pain your stinging remarks have caused her.
Now go! Whore yourself out! Get as much attention as you can! Quick - three days have already passed!
Activities for this thread:
- Show your patriotism! Show the world you are #1!
- Post your own Ciddies winning guides.
- Give feedback on my own, perhaps adding your own tips.
.
...it's just the idea...
