I like moonlit walks on the beach. Seriously, I am not joking. Leave me alone.

I do not enjoy swimming in the beach because I am paranoid and fearful that I will get sucked out into the middle of the ocean by a riptide. My theory is that it has twice as good a chance of happening if it has already happened once before. It has, so smurf that. I will swim in a pool environment if I desire swimming. At least then I don't have to drive an hour and a half to see fat chicks in bathing suits.