Dear Journal,
It's 5:55am here, and I've not yet been to bed. I've been up most of the nite thinking. I know I told some people I'd go to bed early-ish and get some sleep *they said it'll make me feel better* but I couldna sleep. I left myself on away on aim and tried to sleep.. but I just couldn't do it. I dunno why I even bother sometimes.. with anything really. Everything I do seems to turn out wrong. It's really quite painful. I'm considering leaving the net.. it seems to be the only way to fix things. Perhaps without me in their lives certain people will be better off. I'm tired of hurting people, and I'm goddamn tired of being hurt myself. I'm not sure what to do right now.. do I stay or do I leave? No matter what happens there is this damn love emotion that ties me to people.. and it does nothing but rip at my heart. I weighed the consequences of my actions.. and I decided that if worse came to worse it wouldn't mattter. I've since learned better. Despite my best efforts to prepare for the inevitable, it did matter... it did and it still does. I'm glad that I did what I did.. I feel relieved actually. However, that doesn't stop the pain, nor does it lessen it. *sighs* I'm off to bed now. Maybe it will make me feel better, who knows.
You can never know everything, and part of what you know is always wrong. Perhaps even the most important part. A portion of wisdom lies in knowing that. A portion of courage lies in going on anyways.
-Lan Mandragoran
The Wheel of Time, Robert Jordan
*passes out*
