i didnt know where else to post this and this is where all the people are so...

ok i have an application on distinction to a military acadamy and i have to write an essay about myself. "Personal Essay: All aplicants must submit a personal essay. Tell us something about yourself that isn't apparent from your academic record. This is our opportunity to learn about you."

i was wondering if anybody here with experience w/ college essays could help. this is what i have so far. i think it totally sounds lame and stupid. help please ;_; im not even sure if this is appropriate

Ever since I was little I wanted to fly airplanes. It’s a lifelong dream that I have worked really hard for. With hard work, perseverance, and dedication, I know that one my dreams will become a reality. I always work hard for my goals, and a majority of the time I achieve them. I am also a logical person who knows everything has a place and time, and I like to plan ahead. Spur-of-the-moment aggravates me, but being in AFJROTC has forced me to work with people like that, so I have learned to deal with it. I am very organized and plan my day out before I even climb out of bed.
Some hobbies of mine include: reading, playing my trombone, writing short stories, listening to music, playing softball or tennis, and talking to friends. I have been in band for 6 years, playing a variety of instruments. In the 5<SUP>th</SUP> grade music class, we had to play the recorder for a concert, and the teacher knew right away I had a great talent for music. Since then I have played the flute, trombone, some percussion, some baritone, some trumpet, acoustic guitar, and I am currently taking piano lessons. I have also played softball for 5 years, and I earned an orange belt in karate when I was 10.
One of my favourite things to do on my spare time is listen to music. I usually listen to classical, classic rock, punk/“emo” rock, metal, and electronica/techno. My favourite bands include: AFI, My Chemical Romance, Aiden, Paramore, Flyleaf,, Blaqk Audio, Dimmu Borgir, Metallica, Mozart, and Dvorak. Reading is my second major hobby. I read fantasy fiction. Some books I really like include : the Twilight series by Stephanie Meyer, the Harry Potterseries by J.K. Rowling, and all of the Anne Rice books.




XD i would stop reading after the first paragraph personally lol. lameness. im pretty modest so its hard to write a page essay about myself.