i've hated kids for a very long time, until i was recently watching a concert of my brother's wife, suzanne, and this lady was holding a baby in the seat in front of me. i thought, oh god not a baby please lord NO!!!

and then, mid-concert, the baby turns around and smiles and waves at me. it was just so beautiful and ... honest, that i wanted to cry.

and i guess, since then, i've been toying with the idea of having a family of my own one day. i think i've met the right person who would really support me and take care of me and the family, so i really wouldn't mind starting one. not now, of course, as i'm just 19 years old. maybe in a couple of years. i wouldn't want kids too late though.

i'm just so afraid that i'm going to be an awful parent, kind of like my parents were to me, but i'm hoping i can learn from their mistakes and move on.