Di Lithium Crystals

[rubah]

Hey there cloyd. Whaty ya theenk ahv thee mach(et) nouh?, says Scottie. He's doing all he can to make it go up captain. The dilithium crystals are burnt out. Verge stuck a hot dog in the transporter trying to hide it. (some people refer to this syndrome as a spook in the windings) Capt. Kirk has to rely on the inner-tube slingshot for any interstellar spacetravel since the crystals wigged out. ha, ha, you are the quiche eater! I knew it! Pop has you hooked on them things. I hope he has you hooked up on the shed demolision crew. Making any money in the mkt? What's your take w/ the mkt.? Is it time to get in or wait a while? What have you been up to you ol' transporter operator, n'loyd of the night, n' soiler, panther baiter, town crier, j. kerry and h.d. syncophant, b.y. hauler, keeper of the inner-tube inventory, b.w.? What have you heard on Gools? Anything on Spools? (johabba) Any blinding insights you have come up with? Talked to Hog1 or Hog2? I guess Hog2 couldn't say much more than "blub,blub,blub, blub,blub" Heard from Valch? Get ahold of the Goatman? Listen n-loyd its time to get ahsevs tuh Mahz. u.a.t.s. (u r the spooler)

I will give a summary of this later. I want to hear what you guys think of this.

[Namelessfengir]

i got nothing

[Meow]

his pancreas is comprised entirely of drugs

like a cocaine pancreas

[Aerith's Knight]

Beer is good

[crono_logical]

I'd have deleted such an email as spam after reading half of the first line

[XxSephirothxX]

[Rantz]

Did he jump from a French bridge? Because he's IN SEINE

[Krelian]

I didn't understand half of what that email is about, but it would seem that someone lost his mind XD

[Renmiri]

randomness at it's best ?

[fire_of_avalon]

I think you shouldn't be sharing private emails on EoFF!

[Old Manus]

Markov Chain

[rubah]

it's cool, foa, I told my dad I would post it on the internet. He forwarded it to me anyways when I asked him to!

The Translation:

Hey there cloyd.

"Hello, Nucloyd." nucloyd is what my dad calls my younger uncle and what my younger uncle calls my dad.

Whaty ya theenk ahv thee mach(et) nouh?, says Scottie. He's doing all he can to make it go up captain. The dilithium crystals are burnt out. Verge stuck a hot dog in the transporter trying to hide it. (some people refer to this syndrome as a spook in the windings) Capt. Kirk has to rely on the inner-tube slingshot for any interstellar spacetravel since the crystals wigged out.

Apparently Scottie talks like Arnold (the weird accentage). Verge is a family friend who stuck a hot dog down my grandfather's couch or something. The intertube is supposed to propel a person into orbit.

ha, ha, you are the quiche eater! I knew it! Pop has you hooked on them things.

My grandpa brought home a box of quiches. This is a pretty wtf? source of humor in itself.

I hope he has you hooked up on the shed demolision crew.

I forget what dad said the significance of this was. Possibly something to do with intertubes.

Making any money in the mkt? What's your take w/ the mkt.? Is it time to get in or wait a while?

Stocks

What have you been up to you ol' transporter operator, n'loyd of the night, n' soiler, panther baiter, town crier, j. kerry and h.d. syncophant, b.y. hauler, keeper of the inner-tube inventory, b.w.?

night soiler, we live near the 'Panther woods', john kerry and howard dean synchophant, 'bird year'=>virgil (verge) b.w. = "bird watcher". Bird watching means sitting around not working on anything.

Nucloyd What have you heard on Gools? Anything on Spools? (johabba?) Any blinding insights you have come up with? Talked to Hog1 or Hog2? I guess Hog2 couldn't say much more than "blub,blub,blub, blub,blub" Heard from Valch? Get ahold of the Goatman? Listen n-loyd its time to get ahsevs tuh Mahz. u.a.t.s. (u r the spooler)

Hog1 is my older uncle (the middle child). He is a very big fan of the razorbacks. Hog2 is his little boy. Valch is a very close family friend, goatman is a cousin, gools is gooley another friend, and spools is joe hanson another long time companion.

It was mostly indecipherable to myself too. The Navajo codetalkers could take a lesson from Uncle Eric.