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Thread: Dance Of The Goblins

  1. #1

    Default Dance Of The Goblins

    Dance Of The Goblins is a book that was independently published, ostensibly with 2000 copies going out into bookstores around the UK.

    Now, Jaq D Hawkins (or Denise Channing; Hawkins is her pen name for whatever reason) is working on a movie adaptation.

    Of a book that's had 2000 copies printed.

    This has been something of an injoke with my classmates since before Christmas (and something the second year students were already in on) after we had to watch some footage of an episode of Dragon's Den, where Channing utterly failed to secure a £175,000 investment towards the film's budget.

    YouTube - Dance of the Goblins pitch on Dragons Den

    After we all agreed that her pitch was pretty sucky, a few of us did some poking around online, looking at its IMDB entry and so on. Then just today, we saw this:

    YouTube - Goblin Marketing Trailer v1

    It looks like home video. We were amused and horrified. Apparently the trailer was produced on a tight budget, not using the help of their incredible prosthetic teams, none of their more experienced staff who would've demanded adequate payment, no appearance from this actor whom she's apparently paying a million quid.

    What I invite you EoFFers to do is just take a look (hence the links) and see what you think about this. Personally I think this is a ridiculous pipe dream and, if it shows up at the Duke's theatre near my college (they screen indie films) we're all gonna go watch it, if only for the laughs.

    BONUS BOX!

    Register at IMDb.com

    Though you'll need an IMDB account to read this, one particular fanboy puts us FF fanchildren to shame. You will be very reluctant to say bad words about the FF fandom after reading some of this martyn-b-drake's remarks.
    Last edited by ReloadPsi; 05-14-2008 at 07:03 PM.

  2. #2
    The Anti Mosher Balzac's Avatar
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    Dude, are you in Lancaster? AHAHAHAHA.

    Anyway, yeah, it looks like crap, but I've seen worse, a lot worse.
    You hold my heart in your manly hands I wanna feel the throb of your handsome gland. I wanna hold you tight like a newborn kitten, against my flesh like a cashmere mitten. Tickly tick, I'm makin' skin bump heaven and all the way down it's lookin' cleanly shaven. Prickety pricks, it's stubble on stubble I better slow down or I'm in real trouble. Want you, touch you, feel you, taste you! Knick knack whacky whack 'till I see the man stew. spin you around let me see that hole! I'm a tunnelin' in a like a short hair mole. Once I'm inside I'm gonna leave a trace, half in there and half on that face! One finger, two finger, there fingers gone! Mano a mano I love you John!

  3. #3

    Default

    Dance of the Goblins is not "independently published." A small publisher is still a legitimate publisher.

    By all means, go watch it just for laughs. You'll see the difference between a no-budget volunteer video and a properly produced film with a budget.

    Meanwhile, the project I actually have filming right now will give you even more laughs. But then it's a comedy. And it's the DD publicity that has made it possible to get it distributed.

    Oh and for the record, the million quid was a number off my spreadsheet that I was never allowed to explain. But that's how the game is played. A good kill is better publicity than a win.

    ~ Jaq

  4. #4
    Huh? Flower?! What the hell?! Administrator Psychotic's Avatar
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    Jaq, I google image searched you and you are a foxy looking lady. I'm 22, unemployed, and I have all of my own teeth. How 'bout it?

    PS: If it helps to seal the deal, I did the "What Goblin Type are You?" quiz on your site and got human. Although I'm not gonna lie to you, I do kind of feel disappointed not to actually be a goblin.

  5. #5
    VICIOUS GEEK SOOT~ヽ(`Д´)ノ scrumpleberry's Avatar
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    Found those youtube vids for reference!

    YouTube - Dragons' Den | Series 5 Episode 4 - 2 of 6
    runs into this one obviously~
    YouTube - Dragons' Den | Series 5 Episode 4 - 3 of 6

    Jaq herself has several vids on her youtube channel, including I believe the original teaser...

    YouTube - jaqdhawkins's Channel

    Also I am apparently a human magician! Swanky.

  6. #6
    Huh? Flower?! What the hell?! Administrator Psychotic's Avatar
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    YouTube - Leekspin - Goblin Loituma

    Is this the greatest video on YouTube?

    Yes, this is the greatest video on YouTube.

    Kilted Goblins. With leeks.

  7. #7
    Would sniff your fingers to be polite
    Nameleon.
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    If it makes you feel any better Psy, I want you to know that in real life you actually look like a goblin.

  8. #8
    Huh? Flower?! What the hell?! Administrator Psychotic's Avatar
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    Quiiiiiiiiin! Don't embarass me in front of the Goblin Lady! I think I have a real chance here. Why don't you play wingman and distract her goblin friend for me?

  9. #9
    Would sniff your fingers to be polite
    Nameleon.
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    I have given all the characters of the above post names of certain members of this forum.

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