Kids? No, thank you.

Selfish little bastards, crying and crapping all over themselves all the time like they're trying to be some damn kind of senior citizen.

In the unlikely event of a child being created by me, I'll want them to have reverse gender or unisex names.
Names for boys would be like: Ashley, Kelly, or Martha (okay, maybe not that last one)
Girls: Joey, Travis, Chris (this could be short for Christina).