I have decided that in order to establish a foothold into the direct and circle lines, I must launch a direct assault upon the two Tower stations.

Using my bonus points and unspent Orange tokens, I have purchased seven thousand melee soldiers, and a further two thousand archers. In addition to this, using the Dean Holdsworth Rule of Siege Warfafe, I have spent money on my siege engines thusly:

Sixpence on a battering ram.
Nine shillings on five catapults.
A crown on two siege towers.

The hero units will be as follows:
General: Psychotic.
Captains: Mr Motivator (Morale bonus +6) and Pat Sharp (style bonus +2)

They will be assembled in such a manner:



Green are foot soldiers (divided into 7 batallions numbering 1,000 each) red are siege towers, blue is my battering ram, catapults are white and archers are pink because they are pussies.

The plan is for an initial bombardment upon the walls by the catapults, which will be loaded with both heavy rocks and Vanessa Feltz clones. Archers will also give the wall defenders a good solid peppering. Upon running out of ammunition, the lackeys will then push forward the siege towers and ram the gates with the battering ram. If they get tired, Mr. Motivator will pump them up to the next level.

Some battalions will storm the walls and secure the escalators of the station. Meanwhile, once the gatehouse is breached, other soldiers will quickly move in to pillage the enemy's ticket dispensers. If it is one of those poncey fancy stations with a gift shop, their supply of gritty spy novels and yucky romance novels will all be burned. Come on. We don't need that.

With the Gateway taken, we will clamber Tower Hill, there to duel with the evil Count R.L. Stine and raise our banner high over the ramparts. The Two Towers will be claimed as dominions of the People's Republic of John Barnes.

I expect some casualties, although not heavy. Their sacrifice in the name of freedom will not be forgotten.