When we last left the gang, our hero committed mass murder on innocent civilians. Whatever you do, don't let the Daily Mail get hold of this game!


I decided that the theme for my character's names shall be some well known modern day philosophers.




On the quest to find the cure to Rosa's yellow fever, I stumbled across this cave, complete with all water being replaced by green powerade.




After meeting an old bloke called Tellah, 50Cent completely forgets about Rosa and decides to kill the Demon of Powerade Cave. The first place they look is in the vertical section of a waterfall.




Eventually I found the 'demon', which turns out to be a friendly octopus with a big smile on its face, probably wanting to play water polo with us or something. Definately not inflict deep anal penetration with those tentacles.




Also, it's September the 11th in FFIV land. Just saying.




Entering the ruins of the World Trade Center 1, which looks exactly like Baron Castle with a few campfires dotted about, I came across the first body of one of the jumpers. It is a chilling sight.




Looks like they're having an orgy at the top.





The dangers of bukkake.


After the gang has showered, it's back to the task at hand.




All work and no play has made us what we are today. To the Antlion cave!


Hell yeah, now I have a mechanised mode of transport!




The Antlion cave looks exactly like powerade cave, and indeed, every cave I have entered so far. The music is starting to annoy me.




Soon enough it's time to fight the Russian Olympic Heavyweight Women's Weightlifting team.




Photons now have the power to heal human diseases.




I named Rosa LilKim, because Missy Elliot wouldn't fit, and because her unique skill is whack.




At the top of Mt Hobs I stumbled across a Freemasons initiation ceremony. I think we're at the forced circumcision stage of the ritual.




Mom Bomb is one tough mother.




I have no healing items, now I need to get down the other side, with only Yang and 50Cent.




Oh for God's sake




So yeah I managed to get through there on the second try, and I've named Yang after the late great Business Instead of Game.




Reaching Fabul Castle, it seems that the moat has been replaced by quicksand. This smurfing emulator!




This is the only joke you'll see in the game, so you'd damn well better laugh.







So we learn that Baron is about to attack Fabul, and so meet the entire army at the front gates, ready to defend.



Way to go guys


I think you can guess who won that battle. But who cares, as I now have a ship!




Wait what




OH skullskullskullskull