Those 'My Ass' screenshots slay me every time, roto :chef:


So it's off to Screw you Emulator Cavern to find the crystal which is under the control of the Dark Elf. You can't use metallic weapons and armour here, but regular rules of physics don't apply to your backpack.




Dark Elf greets 50Cent with a few unpronouncable sentences.




On return to Troia with the crystal, I got mobbed by a bunch of weirdos who have a habit of shouting out things that are completely random and irrelevant. I don't even know what BANZAI is meant to mean.




Upon delivering the crystal to Kain, we end up in some castle somewhere which has the double feat of not looking like every other dungeon, and being insanely difficult. Am I underleveled or something?




Also, the Magus Sisters!




After all that hassle trying to get Meteo so he can defeat Golbez, Dr. Dre dies in the attempt. The gang ponders this for a while, ignoring Kain suffering in the corner. And indeed, LilKim, who was the reason they came here.




What




From there it's off to the underworld, which, living up to its name, contains the worst creatures in FF, the dwarves, and their mothersmurfing retarded greeting.




ChuckD is so disgusted with this skullskullskullskull that he bugs out back to the overworld under the pretence of fixing his airship. Alone. This can only mean that we're getting someone else on our team pretty soon.




After another meeting with Golbez, Jay-Z returns and the team enjoys a coffee and watches while Golbez's disembodied arm takes the crystal and dissappears right in front of them. They proceed to gasp in shock.




Wandering around the castle, I come across the 'Developer's Room'. This can't be good.




Then again...




16BIT PORN!


In other news, Jay-Z now has some pretty kickass summons to go with the unstoppable ChocKick.




In order to stop Golbez from stealing the last crystal, the team decides to go to his crib while he's away and steal the ones he has already taken. Clever stuff.

During the fight with one of his minions, the evil doctor Lugaborg who turns innocent people into monsters (typical german stereotyping), I totally forgot to take a screenshot until the very end.




He refused to believe that we'd just killed him though.




Moving on, we get to a room where 3 dudes are firing cannons at the dwarf tanks. Enviable position really



<3


In order to stop the cannons from exploding, Yang sacrifices himself by locking himself in the room while they explode...or something. Seriously, what? Nobody really thought this one through. I also forgot to take a picture of it, so this will have to do.





After climbing all the way back down the tower, Golbez is back at his pad and he's pissed. So pissed that he decides to destroy the only entrance to his tower. Good thinking, homie!




In a set piece rivaling something out of The Matrix, as the party falls to their death, ChuckD comes to the rescue and catches them in the airship. He then decides to kill himself for no reason by jumping off the ship and blowing himself up. Since when was FFIV set in Bridgend?




From there it's off to Eblan Cave, for reasons unfathomable by logical processes. The game seriously gives you no reason to go there. This smurfing game!

The 'proud' people of Elban also live in this cave.



They're probably the only beings in FFIV who would be proud of the fact that they were homeless


This woman in the infirmary provides us with some advice she should really be giving the dying men lying next to her.




The bats in this cave are all the same size, no matter what their names say to the contrary.




From what I gather from the cavesfolk here, their prince is off to go and deliver some physical justice to a blokey called Rubicant. This prince is obviously an asshole, judging by the fact that he leaves his bodyguards to die when they get injured.




He's lying, obviously. The next room is full of even more dead bodyguards.




Turns out that the prince is a playable character. I bet he kills himself.



He's also a giant pussy at level 25, doing half the damage 50Cent and Nas do.


We end up back at the Tower of Babil, and the monsters have been doing some grinding.




At the top we run into Edge's parents, whom were presumed dead. Queue touching moment







I actually laughed at that