Facing important decisions

[Fujiko]

I'm not sure if this topic belongs here, but I guess if it's removed then that's answered.

Anyway, I'm in a very difficult time in my life right now. I've made a decision which I've been thinking about for far too long now (years and years) which is about something that I don't know how to approach about to my parents. I've talked with my siblings about it (that was hard enough) and it's a kind of a relief I have their support, but I greatly respect my parents and I'm really scared that after I tell them what my decision is about, they'll basically hate me and sort of "leave" me. And I couldn't live with that because I love them too much. But I've made up my mind and all I'm hoping for is that they'll respect it and keep loving me anyway.

Why do I think they'll hate me? Simply because, in my opinion (which, of course, could be dead wrong for all I know) this decision of mine has the nature of the complete opposite of what my parents view on life is, what they think is of value. Almost a complete opposite.

I didn't create a new topic here to discuss my problem in itself, but rather to get some idea of: what you would do if you were faced with letting the people you love about a certain decision you've made, which you know will have a great impact on them? A decision you won't change for no one but you still want to keep the respect/love/bond between you and yours?

What would you say to them, what would you do? Would you make some careful planning, practice a good speech prior so you'll choose the right words to say when it's time? Or just let it come off by heart? How would you start off, how do you begin?

Please, I need some advice
I don't know how to begin...

[Awrini]

As for your personal problem, remember they are your parents. They will understand in the end. And while they might not agree with you, I doubt they won't be at least understanding. So good luck with that.

Also, if it really conflicts with their views, maybe they can give you further information as to why they disagree and/or disapprove of whatever decision you are making. Not necessarily to make you change your mind. But more to warn you of the potential problems with your descisions. So you may be prepared if something may go wrong.

Now for the topic:
In the end, I'd just go with my instincts on any necessary explinations. If I feel strongly enough in the decision I make, I would give the respect to inform my family, and not be ashamed in the decision.

We all do things our parents would not approve of at some point in our lives. But for me, you always will live and learn, but don't be afraid to listen to the advice of people who have lived and care for you.

[Christmas]

Flipping a coin always work for me.

[Peegee]

My parents have supported me in everything I chose to do, and thank God for what I call 'luck' because I ended up in a well enough situation that I will probably be able to take care of myself if I have to. I'd like not to have to be by myself, but if push comes to shove, I have that option.

That said, there will always be certain behaviours my parents would not tolerate. Without putting them on trial too much, let's just pick something that most parents would frown upon: excessive drug (illegal) use. If I became a junkie, my parents would probably be very sad, and try to save me, but ultimately may have to (sadfully) give up if it's that bad.

If your parents somehow will not support you for doing something, it's probably something akin to a life of crime of self harm. If it's something like a 'lifestyle choice' which I have phrased generally enough to mean anything, why can't they disagree but love the person? Either way, I haven't totally decided what it means to be a parent and dealing with an autonomous, self actualized adult for a child. I'd like my kids to take after me, but they probably (likely) will not (not completely, anyway). I'm a little like my parents but not totally.

Anyway, if you don't have your parents' support, will it really matter?

[Fujiko]

As for your personal problem, remember they are your parents. They will understand in the end. And while they might not agree with you, I doubt they won't be at least understanding. So good luck with that.

Also, if it really conflicts with their views, maybe they can give you further information as to why they disagree and/or disapprove of whatever decision you are making. Not necessarily to make you change your mind. But more to warn you of the potential problems with your descisions. So you may be prepared if something may go wrong.

Now for the topic:
In the end, I'd just go with my instincts on any necessary explinations. If I feel strongly enough in the decision I make, I would give the respect to inform my family, and not be ashamed in the decision.

We all do things our parents would not approve of at some point in our lives. But for me, you always will live and learn, but don't be afraid to listen to the advice of people who have lived and care for you.

Thank you so much for your words, nano. That gave me a little more courage. Sometimes I do feel like I'd want to talk to them either way, even though I never talked to them about personal stuff that much in the past. But sometimes I question if the decision is worth it (even though I'm very certain) - that if it isn't worth it for some reason and I talk to them about it anyway, then those are hurtful words uncalled for *sigh*

[Fujiko]

Anyway, if you don't have your parents' support, will it really matter?

Matter how, do you mean?

[Moon Rabbits]

Flipping a coin always work for me.

[~*~Celes~*~]

I just told my mom today (or, technically, yesterday) about a past decision I've made. She's not proud that it happened but she is glad that it happened in such a way that I will have pleasant memories.

Sometimes, your parents will surprise you, that's all I'm going to say. Either you'll expect calm and get fury, or you'll get calm when you expected fury.

EDIT: For future reference, you may want to put something like this in EoEo so that you'll be taken completely seriously

[Yamaneko]

If you have any siblings tell your parents that one of them is gay and in the confusion/hysteria use the opportunity to inform them about your decision. Failing that man up (or whatever the equivalent for females is if you happen to be that) and just tell them.

[Rye]

I can totally relate. My parents are extremely close-minded and are not understanding in the slightest of anything. They basically won't accept anything but their little vision of what "should" be happening. So I don't tell them the major decisions I make. It's their fault, really.

[cloud_doll]

The people I love have a lot of influence. If I was ever going to make a descision that was against their point of view, I'd probably not want to tell them.
But like I said, when I make descisions, their advice has a big impact.

In the end though, I'd probably come out telling them, because if you care about them, they care about you too, and they should always understand.

[Fujiko]

I just told my mom today (or, technically, yesterday) about a past decision I've made. She's not proud that it happened but she is glad that it happened in such a way that I will have pleasant memories.

Sometimes, your parents will surprise you, that's all I'm going to say. Either you'll expect calm and get fury, or you'll get calm when you expected fury.

EDIT: For future reference, you may want to put something like this in EoEo so that you'll be taken completely seriously

Thank you. Yeah that's happened to me once or twice - I've told them about something I thought they'd get really frustrated about, but they were calm and collected and went along with it in the end. But this just feels too big for me to be able to expect a certain outcome =x

Thanks for the reference =)

[Fujiko]

If you have any siblings tell your parents that one of them is gay and in the confusion/hysteria use the opportunity to inform them about your decision. Failing that man up (or whatever the equivalent for females is if you happen to be that) and just tell them.

xD omg, yeah that might work ona short term, but once they'll realise what the matter was really about it'll get ugly (or so I think).

That was a hilarious suggestion though xD

[Fujiko]

I can totally relate. My parents are extremely close-minded and are not understanding in the slightest of anything. They basically won't accept anything but their little vision of what "should" be happening. So I don't tell them the major decisions I make. It's their fault, really.

I feel, many times, alot of things are their fault too, for not being as accepting as I would like and that they should just respect my decisions. But then immediately I think about how hard it must be to be a parent and they're just trying their best. The part of me that scares me is that sometimes I feel like I'll go and tell them and if they don't like it then tough. But I really love them and for them to not care about me anymore (if it were to happen) would literally leave a scar inside of me for the rest of my life.

[Fujiko]

In the end though, I'd probably come out telling them, because if you care about them, they care about you too, and they should always understand.

I wish I could think like that everytime I needed to tell them something of big importance.