So a sailor meets a pirate at a bar. They share stories of their time at sea, the pirate regaling the sailor with stories of cunning and peril. The pirate has seen many days, and the sailor is astounded by the pirate's stony resilience.

As the ale flows, the sailor is struck with a question: "Pirate," says the sailor, "How'd you get the peg leg?"

The pirate quaffs his ale. "Aye," says he, "A great storm besieged me boat. The men and I held fast, but a stout wave threw me overboard. In the depths, a shark took me leg. Hence the peg."

"Zounds," says the sailor.

The ale continues to flow and another question burns at the mind of the sailor. "Pirate," says he, "How'd you get the hook?"

"Aye," says the pirate, "The men and I boarded a merchant vessel to acquire it by force. We fought strong, and won the boat. But in the quarrel, a guard's cutlass took me hand. Hence the hook."

"Jiminy," says the sailor. The ale flows. A crowd begins to gather around the pair, listening intently to the pirate.

Eventually the sailor aches with another query. "Pirate," says he, "What about the eyepatch? How'd you get it?"

"Aye," says the pirate, and he draws a strong draft of ale. "A seabird dropping fell in me eye."

The sailor is flabbergasted. "What?" says he. "You have an eyepatch because a seabird pooped in your eye? You jest!"

"Arr," says the pirate. "'Twas me first day with the hook."