If I were President I would distribute free, yes free copies of Final Fantasy IX to every American. What is more, I would ammend the constitution, ensuring that every American has the right to a basic round of Final Fantasy IX at least once per day.

I would then turn America into an absolute Theocracy, with Adelbert Steiner as its ruler. Those who worship him will receive reduced tax rates and health care. Those who defy him will be tortured and then killed in Guantanamo bay.


In essence I would be a very fair and kind ruler.