As some of you may know, in addition to be a web administrator, I have a part-time job in retail. I do this for the hell of it. For the most part, I like it, which is why I'm doing it. But when those screaming babies come through my line, I consider saying something that would get me fired.

Here's what I usually do with screaming babies or annoying children:

First, I take the bottle of Advil out of my pocket and take some. I make sure the parents can see me taking it, and sometimes I put a finger in my ear like the screaming hurt it, and I need to rub it to make it feel better. This is not always an act. Many times every part of this act is absolutely necessary.

Then, I say, "Boy, it's times like this that make me grateful that I'll never have children," to which they reply, "Oh, why not. You should have kids. You'll love them," to which I reply in a condescending manner, "Oh, really?" as I look at their children like they're the cause of all the problems in society right now.

I think that's the best I can do without actually losing my job, not that it matters. It's only my part-time second job, so I could technically afford to lose it.