So could I spare you my usual walkthrough full of witty jokes and random nonsense...?


...No, I could not.


We start off by seeing our hero meditate on top of a cliff while looking at the sunset, all alone save for his faithful animal companion, blah blah blah, insert random hero stereotype here.


Which in JRPG terms means "Something's horrible's gonna happen to me, but you stay here because the plot requires so."


Let's give our hero a hero's name and a matching color!


First random boss.


It made me giggle to see that Galuf's sprite as a thief has a handkerchief tied under his nose like in old Japanese cartoons. XD


Roast gets totally raped by the usual sexy dancer that's in every respectable FF pub...



...But apparently, he and Galuf like men instead. Or do they?


If I had a lobster that big, I'd be happy!


The mandatory sexy lady boss.


I don't want to know.


In the FFV world, DragonCave is all the rage!


Another random lady boss. Please notice the dismissive gesture.


Poor Hiryu looks like he's really taken a beating.


I don't know what kind of game has the heroes fight a super hairy elephant as a boss, but he's in the way and we have to dispatch him, no matter how close to extintion he might be.


Now where are the Invisible Woman, the Thing and Mr. Fantastic?


Our Roast loves culture. Maybe.


Last absurd boss for today.