Dear Talk thread,

Today Persona 4 did not come in the mail. As a result I have spent hours asphyxiating myself and listening to The Ying-Yang twins for ultimate torture. Why did I do this? Why do I torture myself? Because my mother told me I am a bad person, and she is always right. She told me everyone would laugh at me if I went to prom, and they did. They spilled pig's blood on me. Thankfully, I was able to muster telekinetic powers and murder them all. But that doesn't change the fact my mother was correct. Of course, then I killed her too. Sometimes I wish I had never been prom queen.

A few days ago I was watching this musical performance in Japan. The Japanese make me laugh sometimes. They're so over the top when it comes to fun. I wonder if this makes me a racist bag of bad seed. It probably does. Oh well. I used to want to live in Japan, back when I was a big Japanophile and every other second some kind of disturbing yaoi picture was in my profile. But then all the sudden my love for anime fell away. It's probably a good thing. At least I don't do the shota stuff anymore. Now Momiji is the only pedophile left on the forum. Somehow, it makes me feel a bit jealous, really. There, I admit it.

Ever since Roto was banned, I have been on a downward spiral. Sometimes I stare at his pink banned letters all night long. I've considered using my Heart power to coerce his unbanning, but it would most likely only get me laughed at. I wish I had a more offensive power like the other Planeteers. Damn that firecrotch Wheeler.

My aunt bought her ridiculous little girl a 1GB mp3 player. She wants a bunch of Miley songs, and she wants me to do it all for her. Now I have two Hannah Montana albums and one Miley Cyrus album on this computer. At any moment I expect the Cool Police to jump through my window and cockslap me. They probly won't because I'd enjoy it, though. I bet the Cool Police have aviator sunglasses. Man, I want some aviator sunglasses...

Rantzien told me he's getting bored of forums. He gave the impression he would not migrate to a new forum if EoFF members all moved somewhere else. It seems the bigger Oprah gets the smaller the forum gets. I wasn't too depressed about it until a thread was made. My thumb has seen much comfort sucking since that thread. Are forums really dying? Is social networking taking over? Should I really answer the coffee question with, "I like it black, like my men"? I don't know anymore.

I'm reading some books about a girl who can read minds. I wonder what that would be like sometimes. I feel if I could read minds I would be even more cynical than I already am. Most would be thinking horrible or self-centered things. The rest would be thinking about frivolous stuff like hamburgers or wondering why Samuel L. Jackson doesn't run for President.

Lately I've been listening to loud music through headphones, or more than usual anyway. I keep hearing a ringing in my ears, which means frequencies are dying like the weak women they are. Soon I'll be deaf. I figure it won't be all bad if it happens. I will milk that handicap for all the pity I can get. Then other deaf people will be offended at my attention whore ways and shank me. If you're gonna die, do it in an unnecessarily elaborate way, I say.

I gotta visit with my mother and brother for Christmas. I wonder if it will go alright. I hate Christmas, if you want to know. I'm not a family person and all that noise. Everyone around here is so pious at Christmas time too. I live around a bunch of fundamentalists I'm afraid. For some reason they think America invented Christianity. Or perfected it, or something. I'm not sure what they mean when they say that. But they try to convert me into a religious man around this holiday. I miss when I lived in the city and all my religious friends were cool and laid back. I think atheists should band together and make our own holiday. A holiday where we all have promiscuous sex with each other and go cow tipping. Hey, maybe Eyes on Each Other needs a thread about religion. I've never seen one there before.

They're making me eat out at a restaurant too. I normally never do that. I'm too cheap for that sort of thing. I'd rather just stay home and eat animal crackers. But I only eat the giraffes. The rest of them look at me really funny, and once I swear I heard the kangaroo call me a Halo lover. I've never been so insulted before.

It's colder than Yaridovich's vagina in Indiana. Really icy too. I went out to get my mail this morning and nearly slipped on all this ice. One of these days I'll gather every Hottest Male/Female Ciddie winner and throw them at any ice or snow in my way and watch it melt.

Once winter is over, my boyf will be visiting me again soon. I'm quite excited for that. Man, I hate to bring him up anywhere. It makes me feel guilty. When you talk about your relationship everyone else is always like, "Here we go with all this jell-o, ugh." I can see the boredom and hate in their face. I taste it in the air a bit too. I taste their hatred. It kinda tastes like a bitter puppet that never got to be human.

Free Willy was on not too long ago and I watched it. That movie makes me really sad. It's so cheesy and ridiculous, but I love it anyway. I plan on adopting some kid and naming him Free Willy. I will adopt another child and name him John. It will be good entertainment to watch one grow up miserable and the other grow up normal and well-adjusted.

Well, I guess I'm out of thoughts. Thanks for listening thread. You're a good friend. Have a snausage.


Fin.