I have no idea what to title this thread

[DK]

Earlier in the evening today I took a walk into my local village to go draw some money out of the bank. Now, having spent my childhood living in a City that was ranked 4th on the most dangerous city in the country in terms of rates of serious crime such as murder, assault, armed robbery etc I've always been pretty cautious and distrusting of people around me in public, even though I now live in some backwater country bumpkin village in the middle of nowhere where the biggest danger you're likely to face is being cornered by an eccentric elderly fisherman in a public house and forced to listen to how "they tourists be the ruin o' Cornwall".

Apart from a couple of little chav rats who were giving people lairy looks because they were with girls and wanted to show them they had a few curly hairs on their raisin like sac's, the journey there was uneventful. On the way back I exchanged greetings with a lovely old fellow and as I got back into my street I started to relax a little bit. It was then, however, that I had a very harrowing experience. You see, as I walked around the corner into my road, I noticed a small gathering of the children from the street around the garden of one of the houses. I didn't really think much of it, and walked past on the opposite side of the road without paying much attention. Suddenly however I noticed a sharp movement from the corner of my eye and turned, much to my horror, to see a small boy of around 10-11 doing some ghetto ass ninja run towards me (you know how they run with their heads forward and arms behind them and really fast) with a maniacal grin on his face. He then bellowed "HELLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" like an elephant with an 11 year old boys voice and continued to charge towards me.

Now, I must admit I was flustered and unsure of how to act. I mean as I mentioned I grew up in a hole and was involved in various disagreeable situations and heard of people being involved in situations of their own and I feel I have a fair grasp on how to deal with most dangerous situations one could find themselves in when walking around in public. smurfing bail. Bail hard. You can take all your macho theatrics and chest beating male pride but a real man knows that the best course of action at any time you sense danger is to get as far the smurf away from the source of danger as quickly as possible. I'm reminded of a beautiful scene I saw in a film the other day called "The Ten Tigers of Shaolin", an awful 70's kung fu movie about 10 legendary masters basically bullying people who were supposed to be the villains but you actually felt a bit sorry for 'cause they spent the whole film getting hit with spears or being kicked off magic cliffs that appear in the middle of fields and then disappear again. But yes, during one scene the villains had launched an attack on the masters dojo while many of them were out, and had been fighting on an even par with the remaining fighters when suddenly two of the other masters returned. Without hesitation, without screaming, without cursing, without even throwing a questioning glance in the direction of the masters, the villains instantly ran like sissies straight out of the door the returning masters had yet to finish entering through. Those men knew the score. But I digress.

This wasn't a dangerous situation, though. It was just some random kid being a goof like they do. But that still didn't stop it scaring the out of me. He had the same kind of smile that clowns have, the ones that haunt you after you watch IT when you're six. And he was doing the crazy ass ninja run as well which did not help the situation one jot.

So what would you have done if you were being hunted by a crazy Joker/Ninja kid, Eyes on Final Fantasy? Would you have the testicular fortitude I did not to stick to the true path and bail for your life? Or are you one of those "smooth" bastards like Hardwood Hank who would diffuse the situation with an easy smile and nonchalont greeting? Perhaps you would have stood unsure of yourself for a moment, uttered a flat "hullo", adjusted your hat and moved on like I did.

I pray that you will never have to find out.

edit: alternatively, suggest thread titles

[Rye]

I'd eat him with my giant mouth and greasy orc demeanor.

Sounds to me like he could have headbutted you in the nads though, man, and said "eheheheh ehhhhh" like that kid to Haado Gaiiii.

I ran with my arms in front of me though, and I'd dive in the air and yell that I was CAPTAIN PLANET and I'd crash to the ground.

[Momiji]

If it was a situation in which there wasn't really any danger involved, I'd probably mutter 'what a dumbass' and keep walking.

If the situation WAS dangerous, I'd probably chicken out and run away as soon as I could. xD

[Madame Adequate]

I, too, ran in such a manner at that age.

Can't say I ever charged a large chunk of mansex though.

And IT scared me less when I was six.

And finally, I'd probably stand completely still for a minute and be very flustered.

[Shoeberto]

I would probably have jumped out of startledness, then tried to move out of the way, then try to calm my nerves and move on. But I know I'd look like a spaz the whole time.

[Shiny]

:laugh: That was priceless.

Well, because I'm black of course when anything bad like that happens I just haul ass. If I so much as hear a scream or see another person running, my initial reaction is to run. Once I get away far enough I ask, "So why was I running?"

[Bahamut2000X]

Epic post DK, epic post.

If it were me I would have grabbed him by the feet as he ran at me and just flipped him right over me with all that momentum and slam him head first into the ground. It's common sense not to charge straight for a ninja, it's a challenge that ends only in death.

[Psychotic]

One time I was walking in town and there was this guy running about sort of talking to himself. Now don't get the wrong idea, he wasn't some bum. He was smartly dressed in a suit and had a briefcase. My theory is that he was just late for a meeting or something and didn't know what the smurf to do because he was changing direction a lot.

I was in a world of my own and had only really noticed him in my peripheral vision, and then all of a sudden he runs right towards me. That snaps me out of it and I instinctively clench my fist and pull it back, ready to strike. He's sort of in a world of his own too, I guess, and my preparation to smack him one brings him back to reality, and he lets out a little noise of fright and changes direction.

I felt like a bit of a tit but looking back on it, it's pretty funny.

[Iceglow]

I'd probably be the smooth bastard, sorry to say it takes a lot to fluster me or to catch me unawares. I'm apparently owed a jug of ice down my boxers for putting 8 icecubes down one of the girl's I work with top on sunday night. This is because they've so far failed to get me back.

[Jiro]

That was one of the funniest things I've ever read.
If I saw a kid running towards me like that (and he was relatively close already) then I would attempt to floor him then run like crazy. I have a natural talent for hurdles, so jumping obstacles would be the safest bet for my escape route.

[blackmage_nuke]

I'd probably get startled, I get startled very easily and people confuse it with getting scared which sorta annoys me because i dont get scared easily, Im just alert. Anyway even if there apeared to be no danger i'd keep an eye on the kid, who knows what unspeakable evils he's planning, just because he's 10 or 11 doesnt mean he doesnt have a knife or something. If a danger did occur, i'd run for it unless there was reason not to.

[Cz]

You ran away from a child. Your post was excellent, and this redeems you somewhat, but you are still a metrosexual at best.

[scrumpleberry]

If it was a young boy acting like a retard with his cronies far away, I'd probably just shove him hard and then keep on walking. I lawl'd at your post x)

[Peegee]

You ran away from a child. Your post was excellent, and this redeems you somewhat, but you are still a metrosexual at best.

Correct -- It's a child.

DK, you'd fail at the game 'how many 2nd graders can you beat up'

[I Don't Need A Name]

the question is, DK, what did YOU do!
i refuse to believe that you ran from an 11 year old!