Final Fantasy VII Troll Competition - Final Round!

[arcanedude34]

Like everyone else, I must say that have nothing against squiike, I merely do what the contest overlords tell me to do.

Omg tifa got big braestssS!!!11one11!!! which do u think is best? tifa or aerizzzZ? breast over brain yeah! omgz rolf. And i absolutely love the One winged angel song! omg they sing in a language i cant understand and its so mysterious and uber cool!

and sephiroth is teh sexxorz

*long pause* Where the HELL do I begin?

First off, let me congratulate you on managing to type out an opinion piece as exquisite as the one that you've presented DESPITE your obvious mental retardation and lack of any grasp of this, or any, language. You truly are an inspiration for the mentally impaired everywhere. Have you ever considered participating in the Special Olympics?

Now that I'm finished mocking your stupidity (for the moment) I'll move on to mocking your 'post,' as it were. Now, I'm not one to nitpick minor spelling or grammatical errors (who the hell am I kidding, yes I am) but your post is horrible to the point of incomprehensibility. Were you high when you wrote it, or just too busy 'polishing your Buster Sword,' if ya know what I mean? I'm thinking it was a combination of the two. It is that bad.

You realize that for acronyms (probably gonna need to explain... a word or short phrase in which every letter stands for another word, such as your 'Omg') are written in capital letters when used properly and have each letter separated with a period? So it wouldn't y 'Omg,' it'd be 'O.M.G.' I feel that since your wit is sharp enough to cut warm butter, another example will be necessary. If I wanted to say 'F***ing immature nerds and losers fap away normally to Asian, sh*tty yaoi for amusement, never becoming optimal youths socially,' I'd end up with F.I.N.A.L. F.A.N.T.A.S.Y. F.A.N.B.O.Y.S.

Moving on.

Ignoring that 'braestssS' is not a word in this, or any other language, real or imaginary, your first sentence is just awful. 'Omg tifa got big braestssS!!!11one11!!' Were you even looking at the keyboard, or even AWARE that you were typing?! You seemed amazed by the fact that some women are better endowed than others. It's a fact of life. And here's another fact: if you ever want to get your disgusting prepubescent hands on a pair of 'braestssS,' Id suggest that you learn that most women do not like random guys staring at and talking excessively (especially in an obsessive, almost worshiping manner) about their chest. It makes them uncomfortable, which leads to rejection, pepper spray, an uncomfortable conversation with the authorities, or any combination of the three.

I'll move on to an interesting aspect of Final Fantasy VII that I've always appreciated- some ambiguity in the love aspect of the story. One may actually say that this is an ingenious way to ensure that no fan ever gets bored with the canon material. Discussions and debates will continue for years, and with each one brings back a wave of people replaying the game due to the fond memories they unearthed while discussing. Your question actually strikes me as profound. Cloud, a wayward soul, lost in a world that does not need him, a world that scorns his very existence... except for two women.

Tifa, a soft-spoken shy childhood friend of Cloud's, who has alaways seen him as a hero, a protector. Or the playful Aerith (Aerith looks better, deal with it) in whom Cloud finds the support he's been longing for. Which would he choose? Which would be better for him? I am of the opinion that Tifa is the one Cloud is destined to be with, for the reasons of her needing him as much as he needs her. It's clear from her actions in the game that Aerith does not need Cloud, as proven by her being able to evade Shinra and the Turks for years and by her plan to save the planet without the aid of anyone.

Tifa, however, proves relentlessly that she needs Cloud in her life, such as the Nibelheim incident and her insistence that Cloud not leave her at the start of the game. (You'll forgive me for not having more examples, I haven't played the game in over a year.) Theirs would be a two-sided relationship, while Aerith simply does not need Cloud. Thank you, squiike, your question has helped me clarify to myself the role of a relationship in one's life, and caused me to learn to appreciate the one I'm in. I misjudged you, it seems, for you are obviously one of great wisdom. I wonder what your choice for the Clous/Aerith/Tifa conundrum is? Oh, you're even kind enough to share your opinion with me! And it seems you're in favor of Tifa as well! Huh, I wonder if our reasonings are the sa....me...

-_-

Mammaries.

THAT's your reason.

YOU ARE THE MOST IMMATURE, SEX-OBSESSED LITTLE PUKE ON THE FACE OF THE PLANET THAT I HAVE EVER HAD THE MISFORTUNE TO COME ACROSS! Damn it man, show a LITTLE respect for the fairer sex! People like you need to be circumcised once they hit puberty to prevent offending those of us who manage to keep our libido under control!

Ugh, what's the point of even continuing?! Oh yeah, the competition.

Hm, actually, I do like One-Winged Angel. Not really much I can say about that. Though the fact that you like it because it's in Latin is a little dumb. Yeah, never mind the ingenious arrangement and the sheer skill of the singers. It's the fact that the song makes even less sense to the average American teenager than the rest of the plot of the damn game. Can't say that I'm surprised.

Aaaaaand you end with what? 'and sephiroth is teh sexxorz' Mhm. The kid who was just obsessing over Tifa's chest is now saying that a shirtless man with silver hair is 'teh sexxorz.' So you're NOT just a threat to chaste women everywhere. You're just a menace to all of smurfing society! Nice. Hey EVERYONE! Lock your doors, squiike wants your virginities, or, if that isn't an option, at least the boxes they came in!

Jesus man, control yourself. It's a game, with fictional characters. There's about as much chance of you getting into Tifa's bra as you getting a 110 average throughout your high school career (or, in your case, passing ninth grade) because she ISN'T REAL! There's no 'braestssS' for you to do anything to, just ink on a paper! And even if she was real, Tifa'd KICK YOUR ASS for talking about her that way! Seriously, she beats down GODS with her fists, you think she'd take anything from you? Not likely.

Though if he was real, I'd say you stand a fair chance with Sephy.




Thank you and good night!

[Rantz]

Even though I'm not in the contest, I'd like to express my utter contempt of and personal hatred towards squiike for making such an amazingly moronic post. All personal, man. I'll never talk to you again.

[Jessweeee♪]

I did awfully ._.

[qwertysaur]

My contribution to this thread.
Clouds Seiyuu, Takashiro Sakurai, is also known to have a lot of voice roles in Yaoi series, often as one of the leading characters.

[squiike]

Brings tears to my eyes. Its good to see so many people focused together to burn these topics

Especially one winged angel, hehe

[Flying Mullet]

Omg tifa got big braestssS!!!11one11!!!

Sorry, I've never heard of "braestssS" so I looked them up at dictionary.com and the closest match it gave me is "breast's". But this led to another question, Tifa has big breast's what? Milk? Is she a milk thief? That is a cause for concern and alarm. What do you suggest we do about it? I also want to know how she stole said milk. Was she working with Yuffie? Where did they steal it from? How did they steal it? Who did they steal it from? We must certainly investigate this. Would you be willing to be my trusty sidekick? We'll be a crimefighting duo and I'll even let you pick the color of our costumes.

which do u think is best?

Hmm, good question, and it really depends upon my mood. Sometimes I'm in the mood for one while other times I'm in the mood for the other. Some days I can go for both yet other days I'm not interested in either. It really depends.

tifa or aerizzzZ?

Tifa or an Aeris that falls asleep while she's saying her name? Definitely Tifa, as I like hanging out with people when they aren't sleeping. Unless I'm ready for a nap, then I would have to pick Aeris as I know she wouldn't be bothering me or keeping me awake.

breast over brain yeah!

Actually, no, the brain is above the breast, that's just basic human anatomy. Unless someone is doing a handstand or hanging upside down, in which case the breast is over the brain. But I agree with you that it would be cool if the breast was over the brain. A forehead booby would be tits (or tit, if you want to get technical)!

omgz rolf.

Totally.

And i absolutely love the One winged angel song!

The Two Winged Angel song is better. It sounds more...complete.

omg they sing in a language i cant understand and its so mysterious and uber cool!

Spanish does sound cool when it's sung.

and sephiroth is teh sexxorz

Sorry, I'm not familiar with "sexxorz" so I turned to trusty dictionary.com again and the closest match they have is "sixosix", which means "so called because it was the 606th compound prepared in a series of tests conducted c1910 by Paul Ehrlich". There are a lot of hypothesis about whether Sephiroth is a clone, the original Sephiroth, etc..., but I'm afraid you're going to have a hard time coming up with evidence that Sephiroth is the 606th compound prepared in a series of tests conducted c1910 by Paul Ehrlich.



All the good fanboy attacking's been done so I had to take a different approach.

[champagne supernova]

I feel that since your wit is sharp enough to cut warm butter, another example will be necessary. If I wanted to say 'F***ing immature nerds and losers fap away normally to Asian, sh*tty yaoi for amusement, never becoming optimal youths socially,' I'd end up with F.I.N.A.L. F.A.N.T.A.S.Y. F.A.N.B.O.Y.S.

Win.

[Del Murder]

I'll give Rase and Heath a few more hours to post something and then we'll move on to voting. I am very impressed with the submissions thus far!

[Heath]

Omg tifa got big braestssS!!!11one11!!! which do u think is best? tifa or aerizzzZ? breast over brain yeah! omgz rolf. And i absolutely love the One winged angel song! omg they sing in a language i cant understand and its so mysterious and uber cool!

and sephiroth is teh sexxorz

I don't even know where to smurfing start with this one. I think getting hold of a dictionary would be a start. Or even get a freakin' spell check for your browser would be nice. What's the betting that this guy's an Internet Explorer user and doesn't even have an add-on that can do that?

I think your post has two fundamental problems. First of all that you wrote it and second of all that you chose to post it at all. It started off badly, it trailed off in the middle and the less said about the ending the better. The language they sing in? It's called Latin. You ever heard of the Roman Empire? Probably not, because you've been sat there too long googling 'braestssS' to get an education.

As for those two harlots in this game, why don't you play some decent RPGs instead of this tripe that Squaresoft bring out every single time? Why don't you try playing some Lunar or some Streets of Rage? Then you'd see some actual character development and characters who have more of a personality than "hey look, I whine for half the game then get stabbed" or "hey look, I whine for half the game." They're both as bad as each other. When I look for characters, I look at the works of George Orwell or Haruki Murakami, not some jumped up Japanese RPG that you and all your friends at anime club love so much.

You're what's wrong with America.

[Momiji]

Ooh, stinging last comment there.

[Rase]

Omg tifa got big braestssS!!!11one11!!! which do u think is best? tifa or aerizzzZ? breast over brain yeah! omgz rolf. And i absolutely love the One winged angel song! omg they sing in a language i cant understand and its so mysterious and uber cool!

and sephiroth is teh sexxorz

Oh for smurf's sake, are you ting me?! What, is there like a factory somewhere that s you mothersmurfers out, because I swear there are more of you than the number of people in Africa with AIDS. Seriously now, I don't even know if it's worth the trouble to respond to you, let's I get smurfing assaulted by another God-forsaken paragraph of this tripe. You're just another pathetic internet wapanese who needs to stop sucking up all the precious air this world has. So you like Tifa huh? Well have fun fapping in your mother's basement to hentai of her for the rest of your life, as you'll never get anything close to that within two blocks of you. I guess you'd have better luck with Aerith, but that's only because she is so retardedly brain damaged it's be like scoring a date with Terri Schiavo. Also, I doubt you'll have to worry about picking between brains and breast, as any girl with an ounce of either would call the smurfing cops on you before you could say "gurl!!!1!!"

One Winged Angel has got the be the most overrated piece of music in the last century, beating out the likes of "Ice Ice Baby" and "Cotton Eye Joe". Also, I specifically blame you and your like of it for the fact that there's now smurfing Latin chanting at anything that closely approximates a dramatic moment. Good smurfing lord it's getting ridiculous, and it's all thanks to you.

Finally, I can't tell why you would want to have sex with a gender confused clone who likely has a dick the size of a paper clip by the amount of compensating he does with that sword of his. I have no choice but to assume that you're bi, but to do sould would insult all of my bi friends who have a smurfing shred of dignity.

Smurf you squiike, smurf you.

------------------------------------------------------

Eh, not fantastic, but I wanted to get in before it was too late. I don't think I've ever typed that many swear words before.

[Del Murder]

Alright we have 9 contestants since Jiro dropped out. 6 will move on to Round 2. It's time to vote on who moves on!

Please send me your votes via pm. You may vote for up to 4 contestants and order doesn't matter. You don't have to vote for 4, but if you are a contestant you must at least vote for 2 people.

Voting ends in a couple days or whenever I get enough votes.

For reference I'll quote each of the entries in the next post.

[Del Murder]

LONG ASS POST ALERT

Wolf Kano

Omg tifa got big braestssS!!!11one11!!! which do u think is best? tifa or aerizzzZ? breast over brain yeah! omgz rolf. And i absolutely love the One winged angel song! omg they sing in a language i cant understand and its so mysterious and uber cool!

and sephiroth is teh sexxorz

Such an intelligent post requires a thorough and specialized breakdown of its components in order to answer to the best of my ability and to make sure that each question is answered to a satisfactory level. Let us begin:

Omg tifa got big braestssS!!!

I am not quite sure what BraestssS are. Though if I were to take an educated guess, I would think you were referring to, in your overly enthusiastic manner, Brest, the seaport in France that served as a submarine dock for Germany in WWII, or you meant Breast as in the feminine anaotomy. Since I feel its obvious that you cannot be referring to the first definition, I will assume its the second since you have apparently come of age and realized what that "skin stick" in your trousers is for.

In the case of this second defintion, I would hope she would have breasts unless there was a breast cancer subplot I didn't know about cause its only revealed in the Ultimania Alpha Omega 2nd edition. They release so many its hard to keep track of sometimes.

11one11!!!

Actually I would hope she has two breasts unless you mean breast in the plural sense. Then again, I could be missing that wonderful rewrite in the Compilation Ultimaina.

which do u think is best?

Seriously? My options are limited, the right breast or the left... She always looked anatomically correct in some pictures but I guess with your obvious study upon her pictures, you may notice that one is slightly bigger. To humor you, I will say the left one is definetly superior.

tifa or aerizzzZ?

Oh, you meant who was the best between these two... I guess I'll choose the one that is still alive since its obvious my chances of getting with this fictional character is better if she is alive. Course Necrophilia might be popular in your junior high.

breast over brain yeah!

Obviously this is a rhetorical question, seeing as how Aerith decided to go off alone to use Holy and got herself killed. I feel its obvious she isn't the smart one. Of course, Tifa kept world shattering secrets from Cloud, cause obviously the longer you wait to tell him the less likely he'll think he's nuts. Right...?

And i absolutely love the One winged angel song! omg they sing in a language i cant understand and its so mysterious and uber cool!

Seeing as it translates to "I'm angry and my name is Sephiroth" I can see why it had to be cleverly disguised in another language so the teenage angst was not overly apparent. I can understand how someone of your striking intellect could understand the true depth and prose of the lyrics and musical score and even relate to its character defining lyrics despite not knowing what they are singing. Truly, VII fans are gods among men.

and sephiroth is teh sexxorz

I must say I am terribly excited about the prospect that this game may lead you to making a life choice that could possibly lead you to never breeding. Don't worry about not having any progeny as you will be reincarnated through the Lifestream or something like that so you are eternal.

Regretfully though, I need to inform you that your future prospects with Sephiroth are not likely. First, he's not real but that doesn't necessarily mean you can't print pictures of him and have your way with them. Instead, the other issue is that Sephiroth only loves his mother. Deeply, its obvious from the game canon that Sephiroth has no interest in woman, how else can you explain his ability to not be memorized by Tifa's breast. I mean look at them...

Please keep both hands on the keyboard as you read this! Anyway...
Jenova will be the only woman for Sephiroth, course it seems obvious he does like things that have Jenova in them so feel comfort in knowing that it is still likely that your 500 page manifesto on Cloud/Sephiroth/Zack slash flick is still canoncial as both Cloud and Zack have Jenova cells in them and thus explains his rather unhealthy obsession with them and all the wonderful sexual tension they have in the scenes with each other.

Thank you for bringing your wonderful enlightenment to our forums.

Momiji

My turn. It's gonna be hard to surpass what Wolf Kanno did.

Omg tifa got big braestssS!!!11one11!!! which do u think is best? tifa or aerizzzZ? breast over brain yeah! omgz rolf. And i absolutely love the One winged angel song! omg they sing in a language i cant understand and its so mysterious and uber cool!

and sephiroth is teh sexxorz

'Scuse me, did you actually think when you typed that or were you too busy fapping to the impaled flower girl to type legibly? I know that it takes practice to type with one hand, but it can be done. And what now-- why do people find Tifa's large breasts to be so appealing? Don't you have any sympathy to the fact that those things probably kill her back, you chauvinistic bastard? I'm surprised she doesn't use them as weapons, they look so heavy. And yet here you are, goggling at them like she's some sort of object. Pig. You remind me of a certain guy who claims to be in love with Chun-Li. Do you want to be like him? Do you? DO YOU?

On that note, have you ever noticed that the polygons for Tifa's boobs and ass take up pretty much all of her body? Square was definitely trying to accomodate to the fantasies of 13-year old boys in all of their sexual tension. Yes, I'm very sure that many an adolescent discovered masturbation when they played FFVII. Enjoy it, kid. It's all the action you're ever gonna get if all you care about is the T&A.

And then we have Aeris. She totally appeals to two crowds: the guys with a penchant for cute, kindhearted girls, and guys with guro fetishes. That's right, while you were bawling over her dying, some guy was out there getting off to her. I hope that makes you feel worse about it. Now, I know you're thinking 'This guy are sick', but let me tell you, once the excitement of fapping to Tifa goes away, you'll develop other interests. You'll become curious. You'll explore new types of sexual gratification and deviation. Mark my words, one day you will become as disgusting and twisted as that guy who are sick, and and you, yes YOU, will be getting off to Aeris' death too.

As for who is better? Neither. They both suck. You'll realize that too by the time you get Yuffie and develop a desire for jailbait. That or when you get Red XIII and realize you've been a furry all along. Or maybe... Cait Sith? Now, I don't know or want to know what you do behind closed doors, but I worry that many sexual deviations stem from the garbage that is Final Fantasy VII. It turns boys not into men, but disgusting pigs who will eventually become /b/tards. You laugh now, but just you wait. The prophesy will fulfill itself when you find yourself making a thread titled 'sup /b/ look what I fapped to' with a picture of Aeris guro hentai.

Oh? You like One Winged Angel? Join the rest of the Narutards who make AMVs to that song with scenes from that sux animu and post it on YouTube so you can be trolled by the perpetually retarded populace. Gonna join a Final Fantasy forum or other site with some stupid variation of the title too, like 1_wingd_angle or something? Does the song make you feel dark and mysterious and full of fury? Don't worry, you'll discover Linkin Park and Slipknot soon enough. They at least sing in English, so you don't have to look like a douche when you post Latin lyrics in your signature when you have no idea what they mean.

Are you sure Sephiroth is 'teh sexxorz'? Do you know how many yaoi doujinshi manga he's been in? Do you know how many times he's taken it in the butt from Cloud, Barret, Vincent, or any other male character in the series that some fujoshi thought up in a few minutes for fanon fetishery? Or is it that you want to be like the the autistic savant of magic and swordplay with serious mommy issues? Go ahead and cosplay like him so we can all laugh. You may think you may look like a badass, but what I see...


So go ahead, worship this garbage game. Talk to me when you want to play something good. Until then, I wish you would just go off yourself by means of slitting both of your wrists like you'll just do in 10 years anyway, when you realize you'll go nowhere in life... but unfortunately, that takes two hands, and since you seem to always be busy with one of them, stroking your Masamune-- or paring knife-- I'd suggest autoerotic asphyxiation. What a way to go.

*adjusts glasses and walks away*

EDIT: None of this post was aimed at squiike in any way. Please do not take offense! :kaobeg:

Jessweeee♪

Omg tifa got big braestssS!!!11one11!!! which do u think is best? tifa or aerizzzZ? breast over brain yeah! omgz rolf. And i absolutely love the One winged angel song! omg they sing in a language i cant understand and its so mysterious and uber cool!

and sephiroth is teh sexxorz

Tifa or Aeris? Hmmm...well on one hand, all Tifa has going for her is her bewbage. She has zero personality and her limit sucks, which is pretty bad seeing as that's the only thing that makes characters unique in this game. Really she's just an example of just how sexist Square can be. As for Aeris, WTF did she even die for? She just ran off all of the sudden to get Holy or something, dies, and they don't even use it. And she has shoulder pads. Shoulder pads. Or else they're those poofy princess sleeves, but that would be even worse. So yeah, Aeris because at the very least I'm not offended by her.

One-Winged Angel is...bearable. My brother and I laughed the first time we heard it to be honest, it was just so cheesy and overly dramatic. DUN. DUN. DUN. DUN. DUN. DUN. DUN. DUN. DADADADADADADADA DADADADADADADADA. Now if you wanna hear some REAL final boss music, FFX is the way to go.

Bahamut2000X

First and foremost, nothing trolled and flamed here is against Squiike personally.
--------------

Omg tifa got big braestssS!!!11one11!!! which do u think is best? tifa or aerizzzZ? breast over brain yeah! omgz rolf. And i absolutely love the One winged angel song! omg they sing in a language i cant understand and its so mysterious and uber cool!

Tifa or Aeris? Ya typical fanboy response, you know there's other females in the game other then those 2. Hell their not even good choices, Tifa is nothing more then the large boobed eye candy of the game who is basically Laura Croft in Asian form, stripped of any and all personality. Aeris is your atypical girly-girl in a dress "Oh I must save the Earth and be all about love and peace" she's an effing hippy! We all know where love and peace gets you in a fighting game...



So if your into doing dead hippy girls, by all means go ahead. And about Tifa, rather then waste time drooling over a fake 3-d polygon with boobs, why don't you just go out to some party and meet REAL women with REAL breasts? OH wait, that might not be possible for you cause of this...

and sephiroth is teh sexxorz

Clearly your gay. I mean seriously, your oogling over a dude! Granted a very girly looking dude, but a dude none the less! And he's emo for crying out loud!



Let's not forget he's sword is clearly compensation issues. In fact I bet is Sephiroth had a larger girth, we wouldn't be talking about how terrible a villain he is now, and be oogling over the other better villains in the game. Don't even get me started on how he's a momma's boy. He spends the whole game crying and looking for his mama. Of all 12 lines Sephiroth utters in the game, at least 95% includes talks on his mom. And you know WHY he's obsessed with his mom? Ever fight her final form? You know with all those tentacles? :yamete: Ya, dude is one sick mofo. Of course this solidifies my belief that he's just an inbred lesbian chick in disguise. I mean no dude would be into tentacle rape, but if it were a chick pretending to be a man, well that explains everything. Though that leaves the fact that she's a very manly looking dude. Ergo your still gay for loving a manly looking chick.

And lastly, One Winged Angel? Come on, terrible song, seriously now. In Sephiroth's final form he CLEARLY has 7 wings. How can he be called a ONE winged angel when he has SEVEN of them is clearly beyond me. Beyond the idiocy of the name, is all the ooohs and aaahhs it gets for having some latin in it. You know what else has latin in it? A medical text book, and you don't see people about spasm over hearing latin in there!

Vermachtnis

There is no way I can beat Wolfie or Momiji. Those was too funny, but here's my shot anyway.

Omg tifa got big braestssS!!!11one11!!! which do u think is best? tifa or aerizzzZ? breast over brain yeah! omgz rolf. And i absolutely love the One winged angel song! omg they sing in a language i cant understand and its so mysterious and uber cool!

and sephiroth is teh sexxorz

-----------------------------------------------------------------
Edit: i dont care for signups, im venting now!

You owe me $273, a dollar for every braincell you broke trying to read that garbled mess of a post. Yes, Tifa does indeed have big breasts. But that's the only part of her that's well endowed. Poor Aeris doesn't even have that going for her. All she's got is her stick. If you know what I mean, which you probably don't.

As for your question, my answer is Jesse. Obviously the best girl in the game. She had a chance for some character development that had nothing to do with Cloud or Nibleheim or Zack or SOLDIER. The writers saw this and decide to squeeze her innards out like toothpaste two hours into the game. And it went downhill from there and sadly this game is a lot, lot, loooooot longer than two hours.

I don't know about your human anatomy, but my brain is located above my breast. But of course your major thinking area is located a bit south isn't it?

One Wing Angel is cool because it's in a different language you can't understand? It's in Latin and Latin is a class taken by nerds. Therefor that song is not cool. Just because something is foreign does not automatically make it cool. That's what's wrong with the american youth nowadays. Outsourcing there cartoons to Asia and the like. What with there big eyes and little mouths and their desus. Saying words they don't know. Watching in subtitles because they claim they have more feeling when they don't even know! Idiots!

No Sephiroth is not sexy. It has long gray hair and a black trench coat. It's dark and broading because it is actually a flat chested woman with a deep voice. And that is so not sexy. And the reason her sword is so long isn't because he's compensating, no it's for the same reason Aeris had a stick with her at all times. Yea, that's right, She likes it when it hurts!

And of course you're not going to follow the rules and do your own thing. You like Final Fantasy VII, your edgey! OOooooooh!

* * *

DISCLAIMER: I mean no offense to you Squii or you nerdy kids who took Latin. It was all for fun. But I meant every word about subtitle watchers!

arcanedude34

Like everyone else, I must say that have nothing against squiike, I merely do what the contest overlords tell me to do.

Omg tifa got big braestssS!!!11one11!!! which do u think is best? tifa or aerizzzZ? breast over brain yeah! omgz rolf. And i absolutely love the One winged angel song! omg they sing in a language i cant understand and its so mysterious and uber cool!

and sephiroth is teh sexxorz

*long pause* Where the HELL do I begin?

First off, let me congratulate you on managing to type out an opinion piece as exquisite as the one that you've presented DESPITE your obvious mental retardation and lack of any grasp of this, or any, language. You truly are an inspiration for the mentally impaired everywhere. Have you ever considered participating in the Special Olympics?

Now that I'm finished mocking your stupidity (for the moment) I'll move on to mocking your 'post,' as it were. Now, I'm not one to nitpick minor spelling or grammatical errors (who the hell am I kidding, yes I am) but your post is horrible to the point of incomprehensibility. Were you high when you wrote it, or just too busy 'polishing your Buster Sword,' if ya know what I mean? I'm thinking it was a combination of the two. It is that bad.

You realize that for acronyms (probably gonna need to explain... a word or short phrase in which every letter stands for another word, such as your 'Omg') are written in capital letters when used properly and have each letter separated with a period? So it wouldn't y 'Omg,' it'd be 'O.M.G.' I feel that since your wit is sharp enough to cut warm butter, another example will be necessary. If I wanted to say 'F***ing immature nerds and losers fap away normally to Asian, sh*tty yaoi for amusement, never becoming optimal youths socially,' I'd end up with F.I.N.A.L. F.A.N.T.A.S.Y. F.A.N.B.O.Y.S.

Moving on.

Ignoring that 'braestssS' is not a word in this, or any other language, real or imaginary, your first sentence is just awful. 'Omg tifa got big braestssS!!!11one11!!' Were you even looking at the keyboard, or even AWARE that you were typing?! You seemed amazed by the fact that some women are better endowed than others. It's a fact of life. And here's another fact: if you ever want to get your disgusting prepubescent hands on a pair of 'braestssS,' Id suggest that you learn that most women do not like random guys staring at and talking excessively (especially in an obsessive, almost worshiping manner) about their chest. It makes them uncomfortable, which leads to rejection, pepper spray, an uncomfortable conversation with the authorities, or any combination of the three.

I'll move on to an interesting aspect of Final Fantasy VII that I've always appreciated- some ambiguity in the love aspect of the story. One may actually say that this is an ingenious way to ensure that no fan ever gets bored with the canon material. Discussions and debates will continue for years, and with each one brings back a wave of people replaying the game due to the fond memories they unearthed while discussing. Your question actually strikes me as profound. Cloud, a wayward soul, lost in a world that does not need him, a world that scorns his very existence... except for two women.

Tifa, a soft-spoken shy childhood friend of Cloud's, who has alaways seen him as a hero, a protector. Or the playful Aerith (Aerith looks better, deal with it) in whom Cloud finds the support he's been longing for. Which would he choose? Which would be better for him? I am of the opinion that Tifa is the one Cloud is destined to be with, for the reasons of her needing him as much as he needs her. It's clear from her actions in the game that Aerith does not need Cloud, as proven by her being able to evade Shinra and the Turks for years and by her plan to save the planet without the aid of anyone.

Tifa, however, proves relentlessly that she needs Cloud in her life, such as the Nibelheim incident and her insistence that Cloud not leave her at the start of the game. (You'll forgive me for not having more examples, I haven't played the game in over a year.) Theirs would be a two-sided relationship, while Aerith simply does not need Cloud. Thank you, squiike, your question has helped me clarify to myself the role of a relationship in one's life, and caused me to learn to appreciate the one I'm in. I misjudged you, it seems, for you are obviously one of great wisdom. I wonder what your choice for the Clous/Aerith/Tifa conundrum is? Oh, you're even kind enough to share your opinion with me! And it seems you're in favor of Tifa as well! Huh, I wonder if our reasonings are the sa....me...

-_-

Mammaries.

THAT's your reason.

YOU ARE THE MOST IMMATURE, SEX-OBSESSED LITTLE PUKE ON THE FACE OF THE PLANET THAT I HAVE EVER HAD THE MISFORTUNE TO COME ACROSS! Damn it man, show a LITTLE respect for the fairer sex! People like you need to be circumcised once they hit puberty to prevent offending those of us who manage to keep our libido under control!

Ugh, what's the point of even continuing?! Oh yeah, the competition.

Hm, actually, I do like One-Winged Angel. Not really much I can say about that. Though the fact that you like it because it's in Latin is a little dumb. Yeah, never mind the ingenious arrangement and the sheer skill of the singers. It's the fact that the song makes even less sense to the average American teenager than the rest of the plot of the damn game. Can't say that I'm surprised.

Aaaaaand you end with what? 'and sephiroth is teh sexxorz' Mhm. The kid who was just obsessing over Tifa's chest is now saying that a shirtless man with silver hair is 'teh sexxorz.' So you're NOT just a threat to chaste women everywhere. You're just a menace to all of smurfing society! Nice. Hey EVERYONE! Lock your doors, squiike wants your virginities, or, if that isn't an option, at least the boxes they came in!

Jesus man, control yourself. It's a game, with fictional characters. There's about as much chance of you getting into Tifa's bra as you getting a 110 average throughout your high school career (or, in your case, passing ninth grade) because she ISN'T REAL! There's no 'braestssS' for you to do anything to, just ink on a paper! And even if she was real, Tifa'd KICK YOUR ASS for talking about her that way! Seriously, she beats down GODS with her fists, you think she'd take anything from you? Not likely.

Though if he was real, I'd say you stand a fair chance with Sephy.




Thank you and good night!

Flying Mullet

Omg tifa got big braestssS!!!11one11!!!

Sorry, I've never heard of "braestssS" so I looked them up at dictionary.com and the closest match it gave me is "breast's". But this led to another question, Tifa has big breast's what? Milk? Is she a milk thief? That is a cause for concern and alarm. What do you suggest we do about it? I also want to know how she stole said milk. Was she working with Yuffie? Where did they steal it from? How did they steal it? Who did they steal it from? We must certainly investigate this. Would you be willing to be my trusty sidekick? We'll be a crimefighting duo and I'll even let you pick the color of our costumes.

which do u think is best?

Hmm, good question, and it really depends upon my mood. Sometimes I'm in the mood for one while other times I'm in the mood for the other. Some days I can go for both yet other days I'm not interested in either. It really depends.

tifa or aerizzzZ?

Tifa or an Aeris that falls asleep while she's saying her name? Definitely Tifa, as I like hanging out with people when they aren't sleeping. Unless I'm ready for a nap, then I would have to pick Aeris as I know she wouldn't be bothering me or keeping me awake.

breast over brain yeah!

Actually, no, the brain is above the breast, that's just basic human anatomy. Unless someone is doing a handstand or hanging upside down, in which case the breast is over the brain. But I agree with you that it would be cool if the breast was over the brain. A forehead booby would be tits (or tit, if you want to get technical)!

omgz rolf.

Totally.

And i absolutely love the One winged angel song!

The Two Winged Angel song is better. It sounds more...complete.

omg they sing in a language i cant understand and its so mysterious and uber cool!

Spanish does sound cool when it's sung.

and sephiroth is teh sexxorz

Sorry, I'm not familiar with "sexxorz" so I turned to trusty dictionary.com again and the closest match they have is "sixosix", which means "so called because it was the 606th compound prepared in a series of tests conducted c1910 by Paul Ehrlich". There are a lot of hypothesis about whether Sephiroth is a clone, the original Sephiroth, etc..., but I'm afraid you're going to have a hard time coming up with evidence that Sephiroth is the 606th compound prepared in a series of tests conducted c1910 by Paul Ehrlich.



All the good fanboy attacking's been done so I had to take a different approach.

Heath

Omg tifa got big braestssS!!!11one11!!! which do u think is best? tifa or aerizzzZ? breast over brain yeah! omgz rolf. And i absolutely love the One winged angel song! omg they sing in a language i cant understand and its so mysterious and uber cool!

and sephiroth is teh sexxorz

I don't even know where to smurfing start with this one. I think getting hold of a dictionary would be a start. Or even get a freakin' spell check for your browser would be nice. What's the betting that this guy's an Internet Explorer user and doesn't even have an add-on that can do that?

I think your post has two fundamental problems. First of all that you wrote it and second of all that you chose to post it at all. It started off badly, it trailed off in the middle and the less said about the ending the better. The language they sing in? It's called Latin. You ever heard of the Roman Empire? Probably not, because you've been sat there too long googling 'braestssS' to get an education.

As for those two harlots in this game, why don't you play some decent RPGs instead of this tripe that Squaresoft bring out every single time? Why don't you try playing some Lunar or some Streets of Rage? Then you'd see some actual character development and characters who have more of a personality than "hey look, I whine for half the game then get stabbed" or "hey look, I whine for half the game." They're both as bad as each other. When I look for characters, I look at the works of George Orwell or Haruki Murakami, not some jumped up Japanese RPG that you and all your friends at anime club love so much.

You're what's wrong with America.

Rase

Omg tifa got big braestssS!!!11one11!!! which do u think is best? tifa or aerizzzZ? breast over brain yeah! omgz rolf. And i absolutely love the One winged angel song! omg they sing in a language i cant understand and its so mysterious and uber cool!

and sephiroth is teh sexxorz

Oh for smurf's sake, are you ting me?! What, is there like a factory somewhere that s you mothersmurfers out, because I swear there are more of you than the number of people in Africa with AIDS. Seriously now, I don't even know if it's worth the trouble to respond to you, let's I get smurfing assaulted by another God-forsaken paragraph of this tripe. You're just another pathetic internet wapanese who needs to stop sucking up all the precious air this world has. So you like Tifa huh? Well have fun fapping in your mother's basement to hentai of her for the rest of your life, as you'll never get anything close to that within two blocks of you. I guess you'd have better luck with Aerith, but that's only because she is so retardedly brain damaged it's be like scoring a date with Terri Schiavo. Also, I doubt you'll have to worry about picking between brains and breast, as any girl with an ounce of either would call the smurfing cops on you before you could say "gurl!!!1!!"

One Winged Angel has got the be the most overrated piece of music in the last century, beating out the likes of "Ice Ice Baby" and "Cotton Eye Joe". Also, I specifically blame you and your like of it for the fact that there's now smurfing Latin chanting at anything that closely approximates a dramatic moment. Good smurfing lord it's getting ridiculous, and it's all thanks to you.

Finally, I can't tell why you would want to have sex with a gender confused clone who likely has a dick the size of a paper clip by the amount of compensating he does with that sword of his. I have no choice but to assume that you're bi, but to do sould would insult all of my bi friends who have a smurfing shred of dignity.

Smurf you squiike, smurf you.

------------------------------------------------------

Eh, not fantastic, but I wanted to get in before it was too late. I don't think I've ever typed that many swear words before.

[Marshall Banana]

I thought that trolls make statements like, "Get a life, nerdfag. FFVII sucks."

[Momiji]

Gotta go over the top in a competition, Monda! :kaodrop: