Originally Posted by Demon Dude
Here we are, the penultimate Ciddie. It takes lots to be the Best Male: rudeness, arrogance, stubbornness and a certain degree of sexism. Possessing such qualities is sure to get you far in the male hierarchy, and that is a reward itself. Let’s have a look at the nominees, and see if they are deserving of such a prestigious reward.
Blue Harvest: Blue Harvest is 100% male. His life ambition is to bang as many girls as possible before he hits the sack. When not drunk, Blue Harvest slowly builds up his collection of hardcore pornography whilst posting on a Final Fantasy website. Blue Harvest lives the life many males could only dream of.
Flying Mullet: A mullet which flies. Some could say he is stuck in the past, but as the ancient male gods said " males don't catch up to time, time catches up to the male." By proudly following the male gods ways, Flying Mullet has achieved peace and tranquillity within the male's realms.
Levian: Unlike most males, Levian is small and Norwegian. Now, most males will only know what Norway was because of the Eurovision song Contest, and this is a big negative towards Levian's chances. Hopefully females will sympathise with his short height, and make this small man soar higher than he ever has before. God speed Levian, god speed.
Psychotic: Unlike the other contestants, Psychotic is right at the bottom of the male hierarchy. Not only does he support an awful football team, but he also probably has pubic lice or something. Let's hope he one day sees the light, and supports a football team worth supporting, so he can actually have a fleeting chance of winning this award.
Rantzien: Rantzien's knowledge of cheese is extensive and inspirational. He may not confess to it, but he can tell you every type of cheese in the whole world whilst standing on his head. He is also having a secret affair with Leeza behind the scenes. These two facts make him a top runner for this award. I hear the fangirls approaching already.
Sagensyg: Sagensyg is a horny bastard. Because of this, he is bang at the top of the male hierarchy. Nobody can make innuendo like Sag can, and it is a gift which needs to be cherished and nurtured so it can develop. A front runner to win this award? We will see.
Yaridovich: Unlike the others, Yaridovich appreciates the male body more than the female one. His understanding of the superiority of the penis will propel him to stardom one day, and he will waltz there with green font and a flashy smile. Yaridovich could win this thing, so watch out.
And there are our candidates. Who will come out top? Who will fall at last? Who the hell even read this speech? Over to Award Guy!
