Here's a story that I find to be pretty funny and pathetic. A year or so ago, my then girlfriend (Anna), her brother (Adam), her brother’s girlfriend (Trina), and I had her parent’s house to ourselves. That night we all decided to just chill and have a drink. For the record, her parent’s don’t care if any of us drink, so it wasn’t because they were out of town that we decided to have a few. It’s just that we can’t exactly drink while they are home because we don’t want to be obnoxious morons.

Anyway, my girlfriend and I decide to start out with some Vodka mixes, and all of a sudden her brother shows up and says I need to try a shot of rum (don’t remember what kind it was, but he was making a big deal out of it). After I tried that, I had a shot of another Rum brand he wanted me to try…and another…and another…. I think you get the point. I was actually just normally drunk, but that’s where I should have stopped.

Then I get into a conversation with Trina about drinking in general when all of a sudden she claims that I can’t “drink with the big boys”. She was being sarcastic, but I took it very seriously and told her I would match whatever the hell she drank for the rest of the night.

At the time I didn’t know this going into the situation: Trina is 20 years old. She’s been drinking heavy since a young age very often. Although I have been told my tolerance is well above average, I had no idea what kind of beast I was going up against. Well, a cheating beast because she had a chaser after every drink, and I did not. On top of that, I already had a lot of alcohol in my system. It didn’t matter anyway because we didn’t keep track of anything because we were just drinking every alcoholic beverage in sight.

Anyway, the second sign that I should have stopped was that I screamed to my girlfriend in the kitchen, “I’M GOING TO RAPE YOU TONIGHT!!” Which Trina replied with something along the lines of, “Justin, what the f*** is wrong with you? Don’t say things like that!” My girlfriend explained that I was kidding. I then realize that I had a very understanding girlfriend.

This is where my memory starts to fade. We decide to go outside and relax when I remember what happened the previous week when her parent’s were also out of town for some other reason. Some 17 or 18 year old kid across the street stole their mother’s car. Long story short, when Adam was home alone, the kid asked if he could use the phone and stole the keys to the car and drove off while Adam was occupied with something else. He called the cops, and the situation was resolved within the hour. The kid was supposedly visiting a relative.

Well, Adam told me when I got outside that the real story was the kid stole the car to make a drug run or something like that. This really set me off. I am not a fighter, but this really rubbed me the wrong way. I screamed something about tearing his throat out and I go to walk across the street to beat the crap out of this kid. Anna wouldn’t have it and threw me down on the front lawn. I don’t remember any of this really, but I got up countless times and she just kept on throwing me back down to the ground. Keep in mind that she wasn’t being gentle because she was pissed off at me by this point.

Adam asked if I were afraid of the cops catching me if they let me go beat up the kid. For this next part, keep in mind the town I was in is called Evergreen Park. I screamed something like, “Hell no! I’m not afraid of the Evergreen Park cops! F***ING EVERGREEN PORK COPS! EVERRRRGREEEEENNN POOORRRKKKKKK!! This supposedly went on for a while and the only way they could shut me up was to tell me that a baby was trying to sleep next door.

When I got back inside Anna served me a small oven pizza. I remember that. I don’t remember what I am about to say, and I am glad. Not too long after eating, I threw up my weight in alcohol and pizza, according to Anna.

When my memory returned it was when I woke up lying next to Anna in her parent’s bed. It was six in the morning…AND I WAS STILL F***ING DRUNK (I believe that we started to drink around 8 or 9p.m.). I nearly started to cry out of frustration and I was severely dehydrated. I find a bottle of water lying next to me. Right when I start to drink it, I spit it out everywhere because I remembered that Anna told me her father has some scotch before he goes to bed on most nights, and I was paranoid that the bottle had scotch in it.

When I woke up for real, I was 100% fine. I was alone, and go find Anna. I say good morning. And the first thing she says is, “You didn’t keep your word.” I thought she was going to give me s*** for getting so hammered (even though I made no such promise), but she said, “You didn’t rape me last night.”