Spirited Away 2/5

I don't understand why everyone likes this movie.

The acting was terrible. Haku was leaden in his portrayal of a river god. Lin was deadweight throughout the film. And ugh, Yubaba playing herself and her twin. Haven't we seen enough of that? That trout hasn't worked since Parent Trap. Might as well have had Eddie Murphy in the movie, sheesh.

The special effects were simply the worst I've ever seen. Crappy giant baby CGI? Check. Midget in a frog costume? Check. And what's this No-Face bulltrout? Put a black sheet on a guy and give him an ugly mask and you've got a meaningful character? Kamajii's stilt arms were also just stupid and pointless.

The locations were a joke as well. The train scenes were clearly filmed in a bathtub.

The movie's also blatantly racist, and it openly insights violence against parental figures. I was surprised that Chihiro's parents never got turned into bacon and eaten by Chi and her cannibalistic friends. Soot sprites? I mean everyone knows that the Japanese don't like black people, but COME ON!

And what a troutty ending! I mean, what, was it all just a dream? She had her little adventure and now she's back to the real world and nothing ever really happened? BULLtrout! I want my money back!