Guardian XIII loved Shauna.

He had loved Shauna for many years. As a child, he had climbed up the tallest tree in the village to rescue her cat. He was terrified, but he did it just to see her smile. The years rolled on, but his love never dimmed. He picked wild flowers for her and made necklaces for her out of interesting stones he found by the river.

As a strapping young man, Guardian XIII finally felt ready to do what he had wanted his whole life, to marry Shauna. However, her father (note to self: change this to pimp????) Sagensyg would not hear of a poor farmer's son like Guardian XIII marrying his daughter, and refused to grant his permission. Guardian XIII pleaded with him, and Sagensyg relented, provided that Guardian XIII could prove his love for Shauna by bringing back the head of the rotten gorgon rubah.

And so Guardian XIII set out to slay the gorgon and win the hand of fair Shauna. He forded streams, braved freezing cold mountains, and traversed deadly swamps. He cut his way through humid jungles, navigated treacherous seas, and clambered up jagged cliffs.

The fierce Gorgon rubah was worse than any of the perils he had faced on his quest, and a most epic battle between the two occurred. Guardian XIII knew that just one glare from her accursed eyes would turn him to stone, and he took the iniative and stabbed them out. The wounded gorgon was enraged, and her barbarous attacks stunned our hero, and the serpents that made up her hair hissed and spat at him, and bit him, poisoning him. However, the power of love is not to be taken lightly, and eventually Guardian XIII overpowered that wretched creature and claimed her head.

Many months had passed and he was nearing the end of his journey, Shauna's warm embrace. The village was just around the corner. He could see it. Oh, how wonderful it would all be. He had done it.

SPLUNCH!

"You were saying something, dear fellow?"

"Well, I was going to ask how we were going to land, but this convienient pile of red goo seems to have taken care of that nicely."

"Rather. By jove! Is that the cave?"

"Huh, I guess so. There's a sign, so maybe that'll help us."

"Looks like it. It reads Cave of Some Sort of Horrible Death welcomes visitors of all faiths and colours. No flash photography."

"TODAY IS THE DAY FOR MY ADVENTURE!" shouted Rantzien, and he charged into the cave's mouth.