[F] Rantzien's Adventures - an EoFF fanfiction.

[Psychotic]

Hello. Apparently it's National Novel Writing Month. At least, that's what a thread in General Chat says, and threads in General Chat never usually have anything untrue in them. So I'm writing a novel about EoFF. It has Rantzien in it. Maybe you too.

I will write it in whatever style I feel like writing it in at that particular moment.

[Psychotic]

Rantzien awoke one morning and he was in his bed. "Today is the day to do my adventures" yelped Rantzien. He is Swedish and a man. He got out of bed and make a breakfast and the breakfast was for him and had many toasts in it.

"Time for adventure!" bellowed Rantzien and out of the door he went to the adventuring. He got onto his skateboard and skated down the many lanes.

As he was in a forest a voice said "You are in my forest! You will stop!" "Oh no this is not very good" exclaimed Rantzien. He did not want to stop at all, he wanted to have an adventure. "My name is Lekana I am a troll" said Lekana, who was a troll. "Why are you doing this to me, have you no sense of friends?" asked Rantzien. "No" said Lekana. "This is not good at all" replied Rantzien and he pulled out his rocket launcher and fired six rockets at Lekana and drove away in his car.

Further down the roads he saw a sign. Upon the sign it said "Heros? You are wanted by me!" and it was outside of a tavern and in the tavern were many people and some were also women. "This sounds like the kind of adventure I could have today!" thought Rantzien with glee, and he hurried into the tavern.

"Hello I am heard there was adventure required" said a man. His name is Quin. "Perhaps, reveal to me what you have to offer" remarked Rantzien. "I said there was a beautiful princess. The princess is in a cave and the cave is many monster's house, also there is dragons, you will have to tread so carefully" said Quin to Rantzien. "Oh" squealed Rantzien and he decided this was the adventure for him.

"No, Rantzien! This is not the adventure that is for you!" said Jiro who was there. He dropped on his robe, expunging his body to all within the place. "This will be your end of time!" said Jiro. "Now, we will fight and you will be the one to lose!" "I'm not so sure if this is going to be a fun experience" sighed Rantzien, preparing for the challenge ahead.

TO BE CONTINUED...?

[Psychotic]

radiating, and the air
is aglow; flickering outwards.
destiny's hour and
his footsteps firm.

pale, and yet so rigid.
harsher times than these
guide his steady hand;
malice unprovoked, yet,
not unanswered

crackling, and the losing
of one's own; like
drifting off, unwilling.
realisations.

iron trickles; dull and grey.
today's not the one.

"THAT IS YOU TAUGHT!" shouted Rantzien to Jiro on the floor. "LISTEN, TOWNSMEN! I am Rantzien, and today I say is my adventure!" everybody was quiet because they could see that today was Rantzien's adventure. He had ten Corona beers and two Vanilla Coca-Colas and he drank them too.

"I say old chap, from what I gather, there's an adventure on the cards" said the skeleton. "Oh! What are you?" enquired Rantzien. "I am theundeadhero." said theundeadhero, who was an undead hero. "I'd like to tag along with you. Party up, if you will." said the skeleton, who was theundeadhero. "Yes please! We can become good friends!" belched Rantzien, as he tied his shoe. "Today is the day for our adventure!"

The adventurers walked out of the tavern and climbed into Rantzien's beach buggy and he drove it really fast and did some powerslides and skids. There was a sunny day. Suddenly some bandits came out of a house and said "You are in our territory and now you will have to pay us all of your money!" "Gosh", said theundeadhero. "I'm afraid I'm broke at the moment. They'll surely snatch my bones as their toll." and he was not happy.

The bandit leader had a mustache and a pocket watch and a belt and his name was krissy. "My lips are chapped. Do you got any chapsticks? Give to me your chapsticks." said krissy. Rantzien had pity for krissy because he did not have any chapsticks and he knew krissy had chapped lips for sure. "I am sorry krissy I do not have any chapsticks" wailed Rantzien. "You must be killed then Rantzien" said krissy who started trying to kill Rantzien.

"NEVER! My adventure is today!" roared Rantzien, and he did a roundhouse kick, an uppercut and a backflip and krissy and his gang of bandits were stopped. "Come on, you skeleton. We'll have adventures now!" and Rantzien and his theundeadhero were driving off.

TO BE CONTINUED...?

[theundeadhero]

I had some chapstick but he didn't ask

[Quindiana Jones]

This is my first time as a quest giver, I hope I didn't start too hard.

Also, any man who can drink a sip of Vanilla Coke, let alone two bottles, is a true hero in my mind.

[Psychotic]

Rantzien somehow found the energy to will himself back onto his feet, slung his pack over his shoulders, and once again began that weary trudge towards the fabled cave. The dull ache in his feet that had faded while he had rested slowly came back, and now there was a gnawing in his back from the weight of his provisions.

"By my count, old son, the cave should be just over that ridge" said his companion, theundeadhero, with a wave of his bony hand. "Oh right" answered Rantzien, although truthfully he couldn't even see the ridge, but he didn't want to say so out of fear of looking rather silly in front of his skeletal comrade.

After what seemed like hours of dragging his sore limbs down a barren highway, Rantzien could clearly hear what sounded like sobbing. As he and his undead chum rounded a bend, they came across a pretty blonde lass sitting atop a rock, bawling her very eyes out.

"Miss, what seems to be the problem?" queried a concerned Rantzien. "Ach no" said the girl. "Me Daniel's run away on me, he has! He has stabbed me in the back!" "Daniel?" said theundeadhero. "Loony BoB" said the visibly distressed Scot. "Won't you help me get him back?" Rantzien didn't want to. His feet hurt, his back hurt, and frankly he just wanted to curl up and go to sleep. "Of course!" He found himself exclaiming. "Today is the day for my adventure!" There was that phrase again. He had been saying it all day, and he wasn't entirely sure why. "Ach! Thank you so much!" she said, as theundeadhero and Rantzien went off to find this Loony BoB.

And find him, they did.


A͓͇̯̼̙͛ͬͦ́̒t̜̯͍͙̘͚̣͇̳́ͣ̈̊̅͒̀̕o̢͚̦ͨ͌̎͊͘p̷͔̭̮̤͚ͥ̍̅̅̉̐ͣ̓̓ ̠̥͓̳̪̫͎̔̌͛ͭͧ̿t̸̵̝̙̠̞͙̖͈̜ͣ̔͒ͤͮͨ̾h̢̰̤̩̳̝͖̑̆̈̒̄͂͜e̖̳̼̜͍͚͈͇̋̊ͥͪ̚͡͠ ̘̙̣̹̖̩̪̬̽̓̍̌ͯ̚t̫̜̥̫̤̄ͮ̀ͬ̒͟ḩ̼̹̙͇͎ͬ͌͊ͯͯ͋̍̈́i̳͖ͮ͆ͩ͗́n̩̻͔͚̪͛ͪ͑͘k̪̣͖̳͖̱̯ͪ̿͋̇̊ḯ̥̲̘̮̜̣̤͂́͜͝n̢̩̣͔̙ͨ̒ͥ͜͠gͧ͌͛ ̤̥̠̫͙͍̻̗ ̡̆ͭ͛̋͏̘̖̼̯̩͔̼͈̬r̪̼̺̖͔̗̈́̓ͦ̀́̚o̩̗̬̩͕͛ͪc̻̜̩͚̹̻̓̂̅̓̂͡k̭̙͇̗͉̉ͫ̈̅̽͑,ͩ̈̇̎҉̫̙̹͇ ̸̛̞̩̏̅̍͞ḩ̺̬͖̝͉̦́̓e̥͔̜̊̄ ̷͚̰͑̃̇͆̈̀͝w̶̛͉͖̞̘͒̓ͮ̅̆͊a̺̪̳̟̙̮̲̎ͦ̇ͬ̌ȉ̶͈̣̲̆t̷̴͙̯͍͍̭̠͂̆̄̈́̇͑́s̳͖̤ͩ̍͂̂.̥͈̟̔
'

[Quindiana Jones]

BoB has his own thinking rock?? Jealous.

[Rantz]

This adventure is a tiring adventure!

[Jessweeee♪]

What did BoB do? D:

[Psychotic]

"I'm so glad I could show you this", said Loony BoB.

"You were right, it really is beautiful" replied Del Murder.

The two were sitting atop Loony BoB's thinking rock, alone in the woods.

"I've never said this to anyone before, but Tony, I think you're a really special person, and I'm so glad you could be a part of my life" said Loony BoB, putting his hand on Del Murder's arm. Del Murder blushed and looked away, and BoB did not remove his hand. He could tell that Del was nervous, and was waiting for BoB to do all the work.

"Why are you so pretty, chipmunk?" he pressed further, now running his hands through Del Murder's greasy hair.

"I told you not to call me that!" said Del Murder, fiercely, but BoB knew Del's protests were half-hearted.

"What would you have me call you instead, hmm? Buttercup? Rose? Tulip? Of course, none of these flowers are as beautiful as you". Del Murder swelled inside. He liked hearing these things, but he was yearning for BoB to make his move, to take the next step. BoB was an old hand at this, and he knew that the longer he dragged it out, the better it would be. Of course, he couldn't take too long, else the moment would be lost.

"You're too nice to me, Daniel", simpered Del Murder, stealing a quick glance at BoB's lips. "I'm so lucky to have you in my life."

"Oh, I'm the lucky one." grinned BoB, and it was at that point he dived in and took the plunge.

Their lips melted together, as butter on a piece of fresh toast. The air was hot, humid, and the kiss soon followed suit, becoming more and more passionate. BoB explored with his tongue, and Del had to fight every urge in his body, for he knew this was wrong, and yet it felt so wonderful.

BoB placed his hand on Del's thigh, and Del knew what that meant.

"Oh Daniel, let's not spoil it" he said.

"Oh, I quite agree" replied the kiwi, kissing Del's neck. "We most definitely shouldn't spoil it" rubbing his hand up and down his thigh.

"Stop" moaned Del.

"I'll only stop if you want me to. Do you want me to?"

"No..."

At that moment, a mighty shout was heard.

"TODAY IS THE DAY FOR MY ADVENTURE!"

Del took off running, for fear of being discovered. BoB cursed, he had been so close to achieving nirvana. Whoever this lumbering oaf was would receive the full brunt of his frustrations.

TO BE CONTINUED...?!

[I Took the Red Pill]

twas only a matter of time 'til the gay installment

[Rye]

THINKING ROCK

[Quindiana Jones]

That was hideous.

[Psychotic]

With thanks to the sublime SP-Studio.

TO BE CONTINUTED...?

[scrumpleberry]

lmao love it