ShlupQuack
(Go me!)
Day two in Eyeson begins with
me. I live alone.
And, confession time... I spent like three days decorating my house.
This is why I replaced every house in town with a downloaded pre-decorated house, so I wouldn't be tempted to do this every time I started the game. I <3 decorating.
My house is pimp though. I've even got a magical tablecloth of leg-swallowing.
Ugh, I shouldn't've made myself a couch potato instead of a loner. This is all she wants in the world.
Time to g-g-go!
This is the view from the front of my house. I have lots of neighbors.
Map is forthcoming 'cause like why not.
Instead of going straight to the park like I usually do every day, I decided to go to the pool.
Rubah approves. Too much, maybe.
I make Fonz's acquaintance. I lost the screenshots but
I'm pretty sure he got fired three times while I was playing today.
I challenge Rubah to a breath-holding contest.
And I totally win.
And then I saw Rye and was like "RYEEEEE!" but she went in the bookstore
and never ever ever came out. D:
So instead I caught a ladybug.
And I smushed it.
I almost pee'd my pants. It was tragic.
In desperate need of a BFF, I go to the park, where TheAbominatrix starts talking to me about
totally pointless
, as usual. Also, Sir Lancealot appears to be boring that firefighter.
Lekana and I Don't Need a Name seem to be getting along well though.
And then there was no one to talk to for awhile, but then there was again.
And it was Christmas! Screw Thanksgiving.
Also attending park time was Chloe, who, since she's a teen, is Christmas's daughter. And who is also eyeballing Laddy, apparently.
...Maybe she wasn't so happy to see him. Since she's the only female teen in town and Laddy and Nameless are teen males, I smell competition. Or pedo time, whichever.
So they are, like, chatting and
while VexNet picnics all by himself in a super sad fashion
and I'm like "What are Christmas and I doing?"
...
...Oh.
While Laddy and Chloe were busy debating whether purple or
hot pink was the superior color, I was like "fffffffffffffffffffffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuu--" and went to see a movie.
Like, in game, not IRL.
Rubah was all like "That was a pretty good movie," and I was like "Needed more tits."
And I was totally going to go join Laddy at his Picnic of Infinite Lonliness 'cause,
I mean, look how emo he is picnicking alone in the dark.
But then this asshole showed up with something on his mind.
Deja vu?
He walks up and asks me for food! Like I'm a smurfing vending machine!
So I pull some bread and jam out of my ass that I did
not have before and he walks away.
Asshole!
So you know what I did? I took that
back.
That's right, you stand there and look forlorn, you asshole.
So he talks to Iceglow, who, if I didn't point out before, I forced to sport a mullet.
Iceglow loooooves his mullet. It makes him feel
manly.
And then Jiro and Demondude55 show up and are all eyes all over me.
Or maybe DK. I mean,
look at that.
Jiro tells me a story about about treadmills, and I laugh and laugh.
And then Iceglow tells me a joke about charts, and I laugh and laugh.
What? Guys like it when you laugh at their jokes. I know what's up.
And then Jiro pushes Iceglow out of the way to tell me about a song he wrote for me.
Iceglow is displeased with Jiro.
And then Iceglow tells me about how he's a doctor.
Or he's going to be a doctor.
Or he watches a lot of Grey's Anatomy.
In any case, I am not won over. See ya, suckas!
Next morning I'm looking a little hung over.
A bath always makes me feel better. Doesn't it you?
And then I went to the park. Again.
Jessweeee and Mogi were being super cute. <3
And then I saw something that both confused and excited me.
It's Old Man Mullet! I wanted him to be my BFF.
He turned out to be kind of a dick though.
Rye and MILF! They will save me!
"RRRRRRRRRRRYYYYYYYY
YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!"
"RRRRRRRRRRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEE!!!"
"WTF, I'm right smurfing here. :jewnose:"
It was a magical moment.
And then Rye just walked the hell away.
And was also being stalked by Celes, apparently.
She went back into the bookstore. Whore.
MILF and I had a good time anyway. A
very good time. ;D
Shortly after MILF left me, the asshole showed up.
He's totally stalking me.
We chatted for awhile, and the whole time Loony BoB kept walking past us.
He would like stand there, go inside, come back out and stand there.
So of course we had to talk
on him.
'Cause, like, Laddy's a teen so I had to give him a mom.
And Loony BoB is totally after Laddy's mom. Scandal!
I'm like "wtf is this" and my action queue says "listen to pickup line."
Touche, Psychotic. Upping the ante.
Fine, then I will firt back, and then Levian will show up and randomly
start screaming.
Which, of course, must be followed by him changing into his epic
formal wear and heading inside for a nice meal.
Being that I'm starving, I copy his idea. Psy will join.
Piiiiiiiiiiimp.
This is a video of Psy and me having dinner. Except you can't see us
because we are inside, so it's actually a video of Levian standing around.
But I like the noises.
So the dinner went well.
...Really well.
Unicorns are totally a euphemism, by the way.
Girls are only after one thing.
Hey, I love The Evil Cow Show!
So my plan is to harvest his seed and be done with him.
Old scars that never really healed and all that. *sob*
But Psy, being an asshole, immediately got up and walked out. Didn't even bother to put clothes on. D:
No
.
I have been played. D:
For that, I will run out and bed the first male I see!
Dammit.
Oh ho ho, target acquired.
Not Smittenkitten; she does not carry the semen I require.
"You will not escape!"
"Impregnate meeeee!!"
"Maybe if you bathe first. I know where you have been, kthx."
I'm like,
yay, this will be easy 'cause we're already friends from yesterday. I also took a shot of the gossip he told me, but
the shot did not come out. It was that Marshall Banana has behaved very rudely towards Rye. Lawl.
Scrumpleberry is waaaay too interested in our conversation.
Go away, creepster!
So, yes, I totally convinced him to come home with me.
"Come to my chambers, my sweet."
Rejected! MILF ain't a ho like Psy. Phooey.
"You will not escape! *glomp*"
He totally tried to leave, but I chased him.
Making promises that I have no intention of keeping, I'm sure.
Anyway, I recorded MILF and me making sweet love just for
yooooouuu, Rye. :<3: :<3: :<3:
That is one satisfied looking dude.
And then he pooped.
I went to Psy's house to rub it in.
He was
super happy to see me.
Spent most of the time watching robot movies with DK.
I told him Psy has a small dingle.
My plan here was to seduce DK.
But it was too late.
DUN DUN DUN!
Who's the baby daddy? Psy or MILF?
I actually have no idea, and so I am super curious.
Originally Posted by ShlupQuack
EPIC EPISODE!!
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