Autumn, 21

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2nd Limestone



That crazy naked Dwarf Chloe. is still about, although from what Værn, our new Furnace Operator tells me, she is on her last legs.

Good. What if father made a surprise visit to Towntwinkles and saw this crazy naked Dwarf crawling about?

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9th Limestone



I was sparring with that utter freak ShlupQuack today. She was striking extremely hard and I saw the lust for blood in her eyes. I swear she wanted to kill me. Just as it seemed like she was about to grab a weapon and strike me, a bundle of fury burst into the room and knocked her down.

It was DK! His wounds caused by this madwoman had finally healed and he was ready for action once more.



As per his request, I signed him up for my squad. The crazy one's list of allies grows thin. Soon I will be able to oust her once and for all.

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13th Limestone



A caravan from my father's Kingdom, Vucar Bab arrived today! It was good to hear news of the mountainhome. I had that retard Chloe. hidden away in the mines. However, the merchants and their wagons themselves were slightly retarded, not knowing which of our two trade depots, one of them being a trap set up by that dastardly Necronopticous, to unload their goods at.



I ordered that we prepare our instruments made of stone - they will produce some lovely rock music, hurr a hurr - to be traded with them.

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14th Limestone

Today has been a bloody day, diary.





Two squads of Goblins showed up and ambushed the caravan. I assume they followed it in and waited until light to strike. Each squad featured wrestlers as meatshields, and archers and crossbow wielding goblins as back up.



The caravan guards charged head on to meet them and it was carnage, by all accounts. Judging from the severed body parts and blood that was left after the skirmish, I would have to agree with these accounts.

I was aghast. Our defences were not ready yet! The gatehouse we had been constructing was not even half finished.



I ordered Iceglow to the top of what we had, as that section was elevated and provided cover. He engaged in a long range crossbow sniper battle with four crossbow goblins, although they were more intent on firing on the caravans.

Meanwhile, I attempted to assemble the other five soldiers at the gatehouse.



That blathering idiot ShlupQuack refused to go out there until she'd finished her drink. Bah. We had to wait for her. Not that I'd willingly go out there with archers and crossbowmen pinning everything down anyway. I hoped to lure them into the gatehouse and murder them up close.





Outside the battle raged on. The goblins were taking some serious injuries.



The Dwarves were taking some too, however.



Loony BoB, our trader who was at the depot, won't stop telling everyone about his brush with death. He says he was running back towards the gatehouse when a goblin archer spotted him. However, this merchant ran in front of him in the confusion, and took the arrow instead.





The battle at its height. (note that in the second, isometrical picture, the battle isover. I forgot to take a shot using that during the carnage so you'll just have to make do) Here are some things I'd like to draw your attention to:

1. Myself and DK in the gatehouse, waiting to charge. In the isometric picture, this is where Iceglow was fighting from, on the level above us. (the goblins he was shooting at would've been right at the very top of the screen here)
2. Caravan guards fighting goblins, leaving body parts everywhere.
3. Loony BoB cowered in the bin stockpile of the trade depot after briefly rushing out.
4. The merchant that saved his ass.
5. The merchants are all fleeing with their wagons.

It seemed the caravan guards had beaten back the meatshield and were now closing down on the archers, and the six of us melee Dwarves - myself, DK, ShlupQuack, theundeadhero, Rantzien and Jessweee - were finally ready, so we charged out afterwards. We were a lot quicker than both the Goblins and Caravan Guards and so were closing fast.



The goblins fled to the top of this hill with a little pond at the top.





However, just as we were about to take them out once and for all, a werewolf sprang out of the trees (marked with an X) and blocked our path. We ganged up on it and slaughtered it, but it was too late. The goblins had escaped...



The bloody aftermath.

6 Goblins dead
2 Caravan Dwarves dead, 2 escaped injured.

We buried those two Dwarves in our mass tomb.

I am angry that both the goblins and merchants escaped. Now they can both go home and tell others of what they saw - the goblins will report the location of Towntwinkles, and the merchants will tell my father that I am running an unorganised mess of a fortress that is totally unsafe.

I am smurfing screwed.

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19th Limestone



Chloe. gave up the ghost today. It may sound a little harsh, but good riddance.

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21st Limestone



It seems whatever demon possessed Chloe. has found a new host in Rye. however, unlike Chloe., she is working away furiously. I wonder what she is making.

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23rd Limestone



A grate. A smurfing grate. Why the will of the gods is to possess one of my masons and make a ty grate with them is beyond me. (seriously, this is the worst artifact I have ever had in DF)

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7th Sandstone

Immigrants from another local Dwarf Fortress arrived today. After the caravan debacle, no doubt none will come from my father's fortress for a long time, so this is good news.

Clothier
Animal Caretaker
Peasant x3
Fisherdwarf
Farmer
Herbalist
Blacksmith

Their names are: Raistlin, eestlinc, Wolf Kanno, Yar, Genius Lynx, foa, Celes, and Breine.

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12th Sandstone



After the ambush, I decide reorganisation of the military is required. Jessweee agrees to infiltrate ShlupQuack's squad for me.

Meanwhile, we all grab weapons, apart from ShlupQuack who insists her fists are deadlier than any weapon.

Jessweee - Mace
theundeadhero - Sword
Psychotic - Axe
Rantzien - Hammer
DK - Spear

I also call up two of the new peasants, Breine and Shoeberto, to become Marksdwarves under the command of Iceglow.

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15th Sandstone

Idiots. All idiots. Iceglow has been hogging the archery range and refusing to let his trainees shoot. Breine decides he can spar with us instead, and ShlupQuack immediately grabs him and breaks his bones, putting him out of action. For smurf's sake.



I then order the other trainee, Shoeberto, to go out and shoot animals with his crossbow instead. He hauls the corpse of a two-humped camel back to the fortress. What. The. smurf. Why is there a smurfing camel in the middle of the forest? I don't want to think about it.

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28th Sandstone



Dear god. I just had a group of angry Fisherdwarves, led by rubah, march into my office and scream that there is nothing to catch in the central swamps. They demanded I do something about it.

Do they expect me to produce fish for them to catch out of thin smurfing air? Jesus christ. This smurfing fortress. I said to them "You want something to catch? Try this." and started waving my axe at them. I think they got the message.

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27th Timber

Ah, Timber has been a rather slow month, for which I am very thankful. The Dwarves have all been merrily working away on a few projects.



The first is the "Tombs for Heroes" program. I decided that us soldiers deserve some god damn respect for giving our lives for Towntwinkles, and so we now have individual tombs for each soldier.



The gatehouse is coming along nicely, it is four storeys high. I hope to make it six. You can also see the curtain wall that guards our precious strawberry patches, although I fear that the patches are still vulnerable to archer fire.



Finally, THE OCTAGON! This is the idea of DK. He proposes that he capture Elves and Goblins and pit them against each other and ourselves. They will be taken to the little rooms to the side, and then the two levers will be pulled, opening the doors. There will then be an exhibition of combat in the centre of the octagon. There are plenty of seats so all interested Dwarves can watch!

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One more season and then you're up, BoB! I hope you're ready for Towntwinkles.