Dude. I may have to show the top to Danielle. xD That's a bit insane though. I'm so random by comparison!
Dude. I may have to show the top to Danielle. xD That's a bit insane though. I'm so random by comparison!
Bow before the mighty Javoo!
Autumn, 21
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2nd Limestone
That crazy naked Dwarf Chloe. is still about, although from what Værn, our new Furnace Operator tells me, she is on her last legs.
Good. What if father made a surprise visit to Towntwinkles and saw this crazy naked Dwarf crawling about?
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9th Limestone
I was sparring with that utter freak ShlupQuack today. She was striking extremely hard and I saw the lust for blood in her eyes. I swear she wanted to kill me. Just as it seemed like she was about to grab a weapon and strike me, a bundle of fury burst into the room and knocked her down.
It was DK! His wounds caused by this madwoman had finally healed and he was ready for action once more.
As per his request, I signed him up for my squad. The crazy one's list of allies grows thin. Soon I will be able to oust her once and for all.
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13th Limestone
A caravan from my father's Kingdom, Vucar Bab arrived today! It was good to hear news of the mountainhome. I had that retard Chloe. hidden away in the mines. However, the merchants and their wagons themselves were slightly retarded, not knowing which of our two trade depots, one of them being a trap set up by that dastardly Necronopticous, to unload their goods at.
I ordered that we prepare our instruments made of stone - they will produce some lovely rock music, hurr a hurr - to be traded with them.
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14th Limestone
Today has been a bloody day, diary.
Two squads of Goblins showed up and ambushed the caravan. I assume they followed it in and waited until light to strike. Each squad featured wrestlers as meatshields, and archers and crossbow wielding goblins as back up.
The caravan guards charged head on to meet them and it was carnage, by all accounts. Judging from the severed body parts and blood that was left after the skirmish, I would have to agree with these accounts.
I was aghast. Our defences were not ready yet! The gatehouse we had been constructing was not even half finished.
I ordered Iceglow to the top of what we had, as that section was elevated and provided cover. He engaged in a long range crossbow sniper battle with four crossbow goblins, although they were more intent on firing on the caravans.
Meanwhile, I attempted to assemble the other five soldiers at the gatehouse.
That blathering idiot ShlupQuack refused to go out there until she'd finished her drink. Bah. We had to wait for her. Not that I'd willingly go out there with archers and crossbowmen pinning everything down anyway. I hoped to lure them into the gatehouse and murder them up close.
Outside the battle raged on. The goblins were taking some serious injuries.
The Dwarves were taking some too, however.
Loony BoB, our trader who was at the depot, won't stop telling everyone about his brush with death. He says he was running back towards the gatehouse when a goblin archer spotted him. However, this merchant ran in front of him in the confusion, and took the arrow instead.
The battle at its height. (note that in the second, isometrical picture, the battle isover. I forgot to take a shot using that during the carnage so you'll just have to make do) Here are some things I'd like to draw your attention to:
1. Myself and DK in the gatehouse, waiting to charge. In the isometric picture, this is where Iceglow was fighting from, on the level above us. (the goblins he was shooting at would've been right at the very top of the screen here)
2. Caravan guards fighting goblins, leaving body parts everywhere.
3. Loony BoB cowered in the bin stockpile of the trade depot after briefly rushing out.
4. The merchant that saved his ass.
5. The merchants are all fleeing with their wagons.
It seemed the caravan guards had beaten back the meatshield and were now closing down on the archers, and the six of us melee Dwarves - myself, DK, ShlupQuack, theundeadhero, Rantzien and Jessweee - were finally ready, so we charged out afterwards. We were a lot quicker than both the Goblins and Caravan Guards and so were closing fast.
The goblins fled to the top of this hill with a little pond at the top.
However, just as we were about to take them out once and for all, a werewolf sprang out of the trees (marked with an X) and blocked our path. We ganged up on it and slaughtered it, but it was too late. The goblins had escaped...
The bloody aftermath.
6 Goblins dead
2 Caravan Dwarves dead, 2 escaped injured.
We buried those two Dwarves in our mass tomb.
I am angry that both the goblins and merchants escaped. Now they can both go home and tell others of what they saw - the goblins will report the location of Towntwinkles, and the merchants will tell my father that I am running an unorganised mess of a fortress that is totally unsafe.
I am smurfing screwed.
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19th Limestone
Chloe. gave up the ghost today. It may sound a little harsh, but good riddance.
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21st Limestone
It seems whatever demon possessed Chloe. has found a new host in Rye. however, unlike Chloe., she is working away furiously. I wonder what she is making.
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23rd Limestone
A grate. A smurfing grate. Why the will of the gods is to possess one of my masons and make aty grate with them is beyond me. (seriously, this is the worst artifact I have ever had in DF)
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7th Sandstone
Immigrants from another local Dwarf Fortress arrived today. After the caravan debacle, no doubt none will come from my father's fortress for a long time, so this is good news.
Clothier
Animal Caretaker
Peasant x3
Fisherdwarf
Farmer
Herbalist
Blacksmith
Their names are: Raistlin, eestlinc, Wolf Kanno, Yar, Genius Lynx, foa, Celes, and Breine.
---
12th Sandstone
After the ambush, I decide reorganisation of the military is required. Jessweee agrees to infiltrate ShlupQuack's squad for me.
Meanwhile, we all grab weapons, apart from ShlupQuack who insists her fists are deadlier than any weapon.
Jessweee - Mace
theundeadhero - Sword
Psychotic - Axe
Rantzien - Hammer
DK - Spear
I also call up two of the new peasants, Breine and Shoeberto, to become Marksdwarves under the command of Iceglow.
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15th Sandstone
Idiots. All idiots. Iceglow has been hogging the archery range and refusing to let his trainees shoot. Breine decides he can spar with us instead, and ShlupQuack immediately grabs him and breaks his bones, putting him out of action. For smurf's sake.
I then order the other trainee, Shoeberto, to go out and shoot animals with his crossbow instead. He hauls the corpse of a two-humped camel back to the fortress. What. The. smurf. Why is there a smurfing camel in the middle of the forest? I don't want to think about it.
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28th Sandstone
Dear god. I just had a group of angry Fisherdwarves, led by rubah, march into my office and scream that there is nothing to catch in the central swamps. They demanded I do something about it.
Do they expect me to produce fish for them to catch out of thin smurfing air? Jesus christ. This smurfing fortress. I said to them "You want something to catch? Try this." and started waving my axe at them. I think they got the message.
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27th Timber
Ah, Timber has been a rather slow month, for which I am very thankful. The Dwarves have all been merrily working away on a few projects.
The first is the "Tombs for Heroes" program. I decided that us soldiers deserve some god damn respect for giving our lives for Towntwinkles, and so we now have individual tombs for each soldier.
The gatehouse is coming along nicely, it is four storeys high. I hope to make it six. You can also see the curtain wall that guards our precious strawberry patches, although I fear that the patches are still vulnerable to archer fire.
Finally, THE OCTAGON! This is the idea of DK. He proposes that he capture Elves and Goblins and pit them against each other and ourselves. They will be taken to the little rooms to the side, and then the two levers will be pulled, opening the doors. There will then be an exhibition of combat in the centre of the octagon. There are plenty of seats so all interested Dwarves can watch!
---
One more season and then you're up, BoB! I hope you're ready for Towntwinkles.
Also I think Dignified Pauper and Iceglow should be added to the list of players. That okay with you boys? (don't be a Jack, Steve! If you kill us all it'll be funny)
I think I saw some camels when I first embarked!
Oh smurf you right there you did not just do that? You brought in the curse of being a Jack? I'm down, just expect to die in my recent fort I could barely organise like 20 dwarves let alone the masses in our fortress.Originally Posted by Psychotic
Edit: Also did I rack up any kills in the long range sniper battle?
Excellent!
Also nope. You wounded one in the arm but you were firing bone bolts instead of steel ones (as we didn't have any until then. Looted some off some goblins though) so you didn't get any kills.
"Back in squad training, one new recruit did 25 bolts worth of individual archery practice and then ran back to the barracks to give an archery lecture to everybody that was unfortunate enough not to have ammunition -- a dabbler teaching the completely unskilled. I guess he was just talking about how cool it was or something. A few dabblers rose out of that lesson. They must think crossbows are cool now too."
I was amused. Anyway will read this later right now I have to give a presentation to the man who set the Reagan White House's nuclear policy on the article he wrote which set the Reagan White House's nuclear policy
By the way, in a past fortress, I accidentally killed baby dwarves with magma, and it was really cool. You should try it!
You do my chapter too! You do my chapter tooooo!
Bow before the mighty Javoo!
Okay now that I have read this I can safely say that it is beautiful and brilliant. Also hahahahahahahaha smurf yes the Octagon how genius. If only the walls had been made of glass.
building a randomly huge fortress tonight in a new realm, I've managed to get myself a 3 storey gatehouse but I need to work some things out such as:
How do I control flooding?
best possible layouts for rooms
thats just a beginning I bet I could find more problems with my abilities in this game.
That gatehouse is sexy.
Winter, 21
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2nd Moonstone
Shoeberto has begun to construct a huge corpse pile of deer, foxes and camels. Some of the meat is being butchered and the bones being used for crossbow bolts, but he kills them faster than we can process them. He will make a fine soldier.
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4th Moonstone
The other crossbow recruit, Breine, is back on his feet and in training again. He recovered from those broken bones quickly, which is more than I can say for that layabout Bunny.
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8th Moonstone
What a dreadful day, diary! A fire imp leapt out of our magma pipe and incinerated poor Melissaur. Us soldier types were just chillin' in the barracks, having a few Dwarven Ales to pass the hours, when Sir Lancealot ran in, screaming that a fired beast had come.
As we arrived on the scene, the imp was brutally breaking the bones of Moon Rabbits one-by-one.
However, before we could start smushing its stupid flaming face in, we noticed it being torn limb from limb!
This heroic war dog had taken the assaults on Melissaur and Moon Rabbits personally and slaughtered the fire imp.
Nasty little bastards, the lot of 'em. And a shame about Melissaur. She was one of the saner Dwarves around here and a very talented bone carver.
---
18th Moonstone
I found a trail of blood and vomit soaked clothes left scattered all over the fortress. On further inspection, it seems they belong to Shoeberto. Gods above, I think we have another full-blown ShlupQuack-level psychopath in our midst.
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21st Moonstone
The sneaky little pricks. Kobolds (for those of you who don't know, Kobolds are the 5th Civ. Humans, Elves, Dwarves, Goblins, and Kobolds. Those are your big 5)
The Kobolds scarper as we charge out after him. ShlupQuack and I went for the one on the left, and she sent it flying. Meanwhile, DK led Ranztien and Jessweee after the other, and the Spearman skewers the little wretch.
No skulking filth will infiltrate my fortress.
---
28th Moonstone
Fire! The entire forest was set ablaze and a great cloud of smoke filled the area. The fire imp that the dog tore apart leaked ooze or goo or something and that apparently was enough to create a towering inferno.
I ordered everyone inside so they didn't, y'know, die horrible deaths. But smurfing Shoeberto left one of his deer carcasses in the door, jamming it wide open. Great. Now the smoke can flow into our underground hole and choke us. I look forward to dying the aforementioned horrible death.
---
2nd Opal
The fire is still going. The entire forest has been consumed. A smurfing forest fire...in winter. How could this happen?
Earlier we found a corpse in the woods, burnt out, with some sort of message from my father, the King. It was illegible because of fire damage. I wonder what it said. Nothing good, I'd wager.
---
3rd Opal
Two heroic dogs - including the one that killed that wretched imp - charged headlong into the flames to rip a werewolf to shreds. Remind me not to cross them.
Mind you, the werewolf takes a good chunk out of one of them and it limps about passing out. In recognition of the war dogs' recent fighting accomplishments, I order that more be trained up by Sir Lancealot.
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6th Opal
The insanity spreads. That smittenkitten has reportedly gone mad and started work on something. I hope it's not another useless grate.
---
11th Opal
She made a spiked wooden crown? So it's basically the one they gave to Jesus? Huh. Well okay.
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20th Opal
Not content with blocking up our doorway with his foul rotting deer carcasses, Hsu has now taken to lying right next to them. Something has to be done about this menace.
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24th Opal
We captured a werewolf in our traps today! I think I can put it to use in the Octagon. Meanwhile that Necrontopicous has been smirking and sneering. He's up to something. At least ShlupQuack and Shoeberto are just maniacs. He's out and out devious.
---
25th Opal
I'll include some clippings from the Towntwinkles Herald.
DK: It's a great day inside the Octagon for DFC 1: Psychotic versus Werewolf. And now time for our main event of the evening!
DK: Psychotic takes an early advantage, with the werewolf apparently too much of a coward to come out and fight. He reminds me of that poncy Elf, Forrest Griffin.
DK: Psychotic has charged into the room! And look how educated our fans our, cheering that his axe has passed the werewolf's guard.
DK: The werewolf begins to flee into the Octagon itself, further proving what a coward it is.
DK: And it is allllllllll over! Leaving behind a lot of blood and a puddle of vomit, the werewolf has been disemboweled. After 3 rounds we go to our judges' scorecards. All three scored it 29-28 and so the winner by unanimous decision...WEREWOLF!
I got Shogun'd, diary.
---
6th Obsidian
I've been checking out the engravings I ordered to be completed in the noble quarters. Shattered Dreamer demanded that I look at one he called "The Fear of Moles". Just look at it. What the smurf does that have to do with moles or having a fear of them? I just smiled and nodded. I don't want to provoke these people.
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13th Obsidian
A raccoon apparently stole that crown smittenkitten made. This is complete bull) Well, what the smurf do I care? It was an ugly crown anyway.
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20th Obsidian
The Gatehouse is finally complete! It features bedding, a dining hall and food stockpile, and archery range. Iceglow's squad can live here indefinitely!
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28th Obsidian
Well, it's all over, diary.
While I was sparring in the barracks, my father's men showed up and said they had had enough of my mismanagement of the fort. However, since I arrived here I have buffed up so much, and when I pulled my helmet over my head they didn't recognise me. I had MILF tell them I had been killed by a werewolf. That bastard Necronopticous moved to tell them the truth, but my squad stopped his little game, oh yes. Ha ha ha!
The Dwarves went back to the mountainhome to report my demise to my father. The fortress has now passed into the hands of Broker Loony BoB. My reign is over. I am now just a faceless member of the military.
But maybe, just maybe, I like it that way. I don't need to work. Not anymore.
We say this all the time, but you just can't let it go to the judges bro.
Good show.
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