I thought anyone over the age of 21 wasn't allowed to like this series.

I'm all for liking some of the kind of stupid, "epic" series that are hitting the big screen. I watched The Matrix, I watched Star Wars, I even watched every Harry Potter in theaters (and enjoyed the books, even). Add to that a (very embarrassing) love of Anne Rice, and all of her novels.

But these movies don't do anything for me. Even a little.

At first I judged them to be romance novels masquerading as vampire fiction. Then I realized (after reading about half of the first book and watching bits and pieces of the terrible movie) that they're not even attempting to masquerade as vampire fiction, really. It's like saying that you can read (or watch) the Narnia Chronicles and separate it from Christianity. Any adult in the western world will immediately realize The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe is just a reboot of the NT, and likewise that Twilight is nothing more than the deluded fantasies of a melodramatic woman who used vampires as a symbol, not of twisted evil, not of separation from God or humanity, but - wait for it - unrequited love.

God, it's like she missed the point when she was forced to read Dracula in eleventh grade.