Ok, I searched all over for a solution before bothering you guys, then continued to do so. I finally found some obscure forum with a fix called sp33867.exe. I figured wtf do I have to lose. Anyway, it worked. Funny that when I get exasperated enough to post it here I find a solution directly after.

Jesus Christ.

Yeah it still does think there's 3 of them. But I'm not messing with it anymore. Windows XP #2 is functioning just like it should. So whatever. I cba with it anymore. It's good enough for me.