Best Author
It takes a really good author to write something that people actually want to read especially when the majority of people hate reading anything above the second grade level; hence why Twilight is so popular. Mr. Burroughs was able to do just that and more with acclaimed works such as Running With Scissors: A Memoir and You Better Not Cry: Stories for Christmas. Plus he's bald and bald dudes are usually pretty cool. Ving Rhames, Jason Statham, Bruce Willis, Vin Diesel...okay maybe not the last one.



Winner: Augusten Burroughs
Best Book to Get Someone You Hate
Do I even have to say it? You guys probably knew who was going to win this one before I even posted the nominations. If I can say anything I will say this, you know a book is bad when you have people who are barely literate and barely competent in the English language waiting on line to buy it.



Winner: Going Rogue: An American Life
by Sarah Palin
Best Novel
Admittedly I haven't read the winner of this award. However, after taking a gander at the raunchy cover below and seeing how many people voted for it, I can say that You Better Not Cry must be pretty damn good. I will leave you with an excerpt: "My name is Augusten and I like writing about myself." Okay, that's not really an excerpt, but it's true.



Winner: You Better Not Cry: Stories for Christmas
by Augusten Burroughs