Playing "Games"

[Bastian]

I never have. I think that if you like someone you should be able to tell them without them thinking you're too easy to get.

However, my straight friend Casey says that game playing is essential to the courting process. People like to feel like they have to work to get you, he claims. And . . . it definitely works for him. He manages to get super hot girls that he has no business dating.

And my last bf told me that I came on a little too strong/much too soon, but he stuck with it because he hadn't met anyone else he liked.

So what do you guys say? Game playing? Is it the way to go? If you were really, really into someone and they made it obvious immediately that they were really really into you, would that be a turn off?

[NorthernChaosGod]

It's rooted in basic biological fact. Men have to compete for women, while women get their pick of suitors.

[Bunny]

If a girl I am interested in plays a game with me, I lose interest and move on. I don't like wasting my time on petty crap.

[Raistlin]

I have difficulty fathoming why so many people put up with that crap.

[Old Manus]

He's right so far as my experience goes

[Jiro]

Short of setting them up to take a fall and then being the rescuer, I have no idea what this really entails. I suppose this is why I suck at getting women

[scrumpleberry]

If this guy is talking about GAME as in PICK UP ARTISTRY as in like ROISSY IN DC type techniques, then punch him hard for me k

If not then yeah I guess most people find it more fun and interesting that way.

[Dignified Pauper]

I don't play games. Lots of other gay boys do, I tend not to. Then again, I'm very single-minded, especially after ending my first LTR. That said, I'd rather just casually date different people than settle down with one right now.

[Meat Puppet]

I play L4D

[Breine]

Depends on the person and the situation, I suppose.

[Moon Rabbits]

It's rooted in basic biological fact. Men have to compete for women, while women get their pick of suitors.

What the smurf biology class are you taking.

[Bastian]

Sorry, I wasn't more specific.

It's mainly stuff like how long to wait to call after the first date and stuff. Casey insists that you have to give off an air of complete indifference. And to avoid calling the person for "as long as possible" and such. I'm no good at that stuff. If I'm interested, I want to let the person know. But that almost always comes off as too eager, I think.

The whole notion of playing games is revolting to me.

But I can't help thinking that might be why I fell so hard for my last ex . . . there was such a sense of complete indifference coming from their side that I thought for sure there was no interest. Turns out we were both very interested . . . I was just the eager one. Hmph.

[Breine]

Trust your gut feeling. Go with your instincts. It's hard to give you some direct rules that'll always work because it doesn't work like that. Every person wants something different, so some like people to be eager and some are more turned on by the whole indifferent thing.

It's not easy, least of all because you get emtionally involved. But hey, if you're coming off as too eager the person will probably tell you about it - or if they don't, you're sure to eventually find out yourself. I don't know.. I guess what I'm trying to say is that no matter what happens it's a learning experience. You learn as you get more experienced.

[Shlup]

There's a difference between "playing games" and using tact when dealing with people. When I started dating my husband I fell for him pretty fast and hard, but I know if I just went in full-force I would have scared him off. Refraining from calling him every time I wanted to wasn't me playing a game, it was me not coming on too strong. Like you said, Bastian, coming off as too eager is a problem, depending on who you're dealing with.

I admit I'm involved in a bit of a "game," I suppose, right now. I don't really want to go into details because it's a long freaking story, but suffice it to say that one of my girl friends likes one of my guy friends but he isn't attracted to her, so she needs to play it slow and see if they can get to know each other before she lets her feelings be known at all or she's going to get shot down before he realizes what he's missing because, being the idiot that he is, he thinks a relationship needs to start with physical attraction to be worth his time. Which is probably a big part of the reason why he's never had a girlfriend at nearly 27-years-old.

[Shoeberto]

I think there's a certain strategy, but intentionally playing mind games is kind of obnoxious. But, I mean, there's a lot of things you should strategically do to not come on so strong that you freak them out, but do enough that you show interest.

imo.