No, this is not from The Onion.

I did not think it was possible for me to be astonished by the obnoxiously retarded antics of school bureaucrats anymore, ever since a 13-year-old girl was stripped in a search for contraband Advil. I was wrong. I'm not sure if I want to laugh or go punch every single public school administrator in the country.

And where is this school district? No, not Texas. Not Florida. It's in California.