Dear Tina Turner,

I am writing to you about my problem. After I listened to your hit 'Private Dancer' I consider you to be an authority in the matter. I need to know what to do with my mouth when I dance. Sometimes when I have not had enough alcohol to cover up the shame of being forced to dance by, what could be best described as 'a dick', it's all I can focus on. So much so that I have no idea what is going on outside my shame, my legs & my mouth. So, do you bite your bottom lip like Ricky in The Office? Do you pout? Do you grin like a cheshire cat on prozac? Or...do you merely do nothing? body moving but face acting as if it's watching Two & Half Men & losing it's will to live. I sometimes cry, is that acceptable? When I did drugs I never had this problem as I used to chew gum or the sides of my mouth till the blood stopped. Now I have no such excuses. I chewed gum a few times but I did not always have it to hand...i'm not proud of this but one time I even pretended to chew gum...there was nothing there & everyone knew it. If I had it my way Tina I'd never dance but there are times where it's unavoidable like weddings of people you love & funerals of people you hate.

Please help Tina you're my only hope.

PS: You're still alive right?


Yours

Cuch


SO WHAT DO YOU DO WITH YOUR MOUTH WHEN YOU DANCE PEOPLE?