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Thread: Funny and slamming review lmao.

  1. #1
    silverjunky's Avatar
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    Tongue Funny and slamming review lmao.

    I love ff games and am really looking forward to playing ff13 when it gets delivered (in 3 days time-too long!!).

    But i also love zero punctuation reviews on theescapist.com who is known for disliking jrpg's and hes done a review of ff13 which is hilarious so i had to post a link here, watch it and laugh!

    The Escapist : Video Galleries : Zero Punctuation : Final Fantasy XIII

    ciao
    Silverjunky

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    Just Do It kotora's Avatar
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    Can't disagree with him even though he talks way too fast.
    This twenty-year-old boy was distinguished from childhood by strange qualities, a dreamer and an eccentric. A girl fell in love with him, and he went and sold her to a brothel...

  3. #3

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    Very amusing

    If I was like Cloud I don't think I would have taken that test.
    Changed to stop Jessweeee♪ from going insane. Is that better?

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    I'll admit, I don't particularly like him...he typically bores me, but every now and then he has had reviews that made me laugh.

    This was not one of them. This was way too predictable and contains cringeworthy amounts of trying too hard. Also, the fact that he starts out by saying "I only played five hours and I hate jrpgs" doesn't exactly make his review sound like anything more than your average whiny, bitching to the chior youtube nerd.

    But it's Yahtzee, and for one reason or another he has legions of fans who automatically label anything he craps out as comedic genius. Ho hum.

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    Slothstronaut Recognized Member Slothy's Avatar
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    In fairness, he has some valid points with many of the games he reviews, even if you disagree with his opinion. I find myself actually agreeing with much of his take on the first five hours of this game so far. I will complete it before I make any kind of final judgement, but as it stands, the start of this game is almost painful even for me and I've played and loved JRPG's for about 18 years.

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    Twisted Reality Shattered Dreamer's Avatar
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    Apart from his point on how the game is paced slowly he can kiss my zombie a$$ If you don't like RPG's then you won't like Final Fantasy XIII ya dumba$$!

    The reason why I enjoy RPG's & to a lesser extent GTA style games (I hate the expression sandbox game!) is because the story mode/single player mode/campaign mode isn't over in a mere 6-8 hours. I mean I just spend €45-€52 on a brand new game I'd like it too give me my monies worth! I want a game to give me minimum 30 hours gameplay. MINIMUM 30 HOURS PEOPLE! Final Fantasy XIII has thus far provided such & I'm only at Chapter 11! (Mind you the last 8 hours of play have been grind grind grind )

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    Cloudane's Avatar
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    I love his reviews. Very honest and doesn't mince words (sort of like Fang!) and one of the few people that makes me genuinely "LOL".

    He's got some fair points, but certainly needs to play for more than 5 hours. For one thing I'd love to hear his thoughts on the ending (which there is already a thread about so no need to spoilerify this thread)

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    Slothstronaut Recognized Member Slothy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cloudane View Post
    He's got some fair points, but certainly needs to play for more than 5 hours.
    Being perfectly fair here, but I can see where he's coming from. If a game takes more than five hours to become enjoyable then there's a problem because no one should have to wade through 5+ hours of boredom so they can get to the good stuff. Honestly, the only things that have me still playing are that people say it gets better and the FF fan in me won't let me drop it without at least beating it. But if this game didn't have Final Fantasy on the box I probably would have put the disc in it's case and gave it back to the friend I borrowed it from by now.

    Quote Originally Posted by Shattered Skull Drainer
    The reason why I enjoy RPG's & to a lesser extent GTA style games (I hate the expression sandbox game!) is because the story mode/single player mode/campaign mode isn't over in a mere 6-8 hours. I mean I just spend €45-€52 on a brand new game I'd like it too give me my monies worth! I want a game to give me minimum 30 hours gameplay. MINIMUM 30 HOURS PEOPLE!
    I can kind of understand why people feel that way because there have been games that disappointed me by being too short. But there are also games that manage to pack more fun into a few hours than most games can in 40+.

    I honestly had more fun with God of War III in the first 15 minutes than I have so far in the first 4 hours with FFXIII. By the 4 hour mark in Heavy Rain, I was literally having my mind blown and having to take breaks because the game was so intense and so much fun. And don't even get me started on Portal. As far as I'm concerned, I'll take a mind blowingly awesome 8 hour title over a ho-hum 40 hours. Some games can pull off 30+ hours, but most just drag on, and a lot of games shouldn't even try to be that length. Hell, even FFVI (my favourite RPG of all time) runs well under 25 if I take my time.

  9. #9
    Cloudane's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Vi-ViPO View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Cloudane View Post
    He's got some fair points, but certainly needs to play for more than 5 hours.
    Being perfectly fair here, but I can see where he's coming from. If a game takes more than five hours to become enjoyable then there's a problem because no one should have to wade through 5+ hours of boredom so they can get to the good stuff. Honestly, the only things that have me still playing are that people say it gets better and the FF fan in me won't let me drop it without at least beating it. But if this game didn't have Final Fantasy on the box I probably would have put the disc in it's case and gave it back to the friend I borrowed it from by now.
    It is fair enough, it actually takes 20-30 hours to get interesting which is ridiculous really. 5 is a bit weak IMO but after 20 it'd be well justified.

    He also has a good point about having to read the journal thing to actually understand what's going on. Most of the exposition *is* integrated into the game later on, but far from all of it.

    Of course, this is all taking a humorous review way too seriously...

  10. #10

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    Yahtzee needs to stop reviewing and stick to making games. He's far better at that.

  11. #11
    Slothstronaut Recognized Member Slothy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cloudane View Post
    Of course, this is all taking a humorous review way too seriously...
    But his reviews are always serious. They're just presented in a funny way.

    And as far as I know arcanedude, he still does work on games, but hasn't released anything in a while so you're right in that respect. Though Trilby's Notes was terrible.

  12. #12

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    Quote Originally Posted by Vi-ViPO View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Cloudane View Post
    Of course, this is all taking a humorous review way too seriously...
    But his reviews are always serious. They're just presented in a funny way.

    And as far as I know arcanedude, he still does work on games, but hasn't released anything in a while so you're right in that respect. Though Trilby's Notes was terrible.
    Haven't gotten to that one yet, so I can't say. But 5 Days was one of the best free internet games I've ever played.

    On the subject of the review itself, the only points I really agreed with were the linearity and Vanille being a terrible character.

  13. #13
    Just Do It kotora's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cloudane View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Vi-ViPO View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Cloudane View Post
    He's got some fair points, but certainly needs to play for more than 5 hours.
    Being perfectly fair here, but I can see where he's coming from. If a game takes more than five hours to become enjoyable then there's a problem because no one should have to wade through 5+ hours of boredom so they can get to the good stuff. Honestly, the only things that have me still playing are that people say it gets better and the FF fan in me won't let me drop it without at least beating it. But if this game didn't have Final Fantasy on the box I probably would have put the disc in it's case and gave it back to the friend I borrowed it from by now.
    It is fair enough, it actually takes 20-30 hours to get interesting which is ridiculous really. 5 is a bit weak IMO but after 20 it'd be well justified.
    Interesting? What's so horribly interesting about that monster hunting game that every fanboy keeps going on about like it's the most awesome feature ever? It's just waking across grassy plains and locating stones and monsters. I didn't see the monster arena in FFX get this much praise and that was the same, minus the walking back and forth. At least you got to fight some huge and hard bosses like the Dark Aeons. Here they bait you with the titan, which you don't even get to fight.
    This twenty-year-old boy was distinguished from childhood by strange qualities, a dreamer and an eccentric. A girl fell in love with him, and he went and sold her to a brothel...

  14. #14
    Memento Mori Site Contributor Wolf Kanno's Avatar
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    I've been agreeing with Yahtzee for XIII more than I would care to admit. I've really tried hard to like this game but goddamn... Its like trying to love a dog that hates you and pees on everything you own. You try to hug it and all it does is bite you in retaliation.

    Yeah, I don't care if its an RPG, games should grab you by the proverbial "stones" the moment you start playing. Not promise to be good 10 or 20 hours in.

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    Cloudane's Avatar
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    Oh the Cieth stones weren't interesting, they were filler (and boring until the circle is unlocked). But the story in general picked up with Pulse IMO, as well as the general scenery.

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