Topic #1: I never had any cake that was specifically memorable. I do remember going to a birthday for these twins I used to know. They each had their own cake but the boy had finished his. So he reached over, stole his sister's cake and slammed his face into it. The girl started glaring at him. It was amusing. That isn't my birthday though.

Topic #2: I don't remember ever being spoiled by my grandparents. My grandpa did pick me up after I got suspended from school for punching some kid in the face for some reason. He asked me if the kid deserved it, I said yes. He said "Well, good. Let's go then."

Topic #3: I used to read these weird books. I can't remember the names of them but they were about things like the neighbor being a mummy and the 8th grade teacher being from outer space. They were amusing at the time. I also liked the caterpillar book where the caterpillar ate everything in sight.

Topic #4: My first pet was a calico cat named Buster. He was my scientific research partner. We were testing whether or not cats always land on his feet by me throwing him downstairs. The research made significant breakthrough and the results were pretty amusing. He died when my babysitter threw him and the other two cats I owned into a bag and then drown them in a river. Then threatened to stab me with a knife if I ever told anyone.

Topic #5: I was intensely afraid of the dark as a kid. I also have an overactive imagination, so yes, I believed things lived in my closet and under my bed. Pretending they were my friends is one of the only reasons I made it through childhood without going insane.