Award 49: Most Likely To Be Snow
smurf yeah, you know you want some. Look at this man, with his blonde hair, blue eyes, He's like a goddamned freaking Nazi all up in here or something. And that smile, man, he's just radiating pure awesome. I don't know if I can take it anymore. He's just so hot, which is weird, because his name is "Snow" and snow ain't exactly known for showing up in the desert. Do you want to know what it is about him that makes me tick? It' his finely sculpted, masculine body that he hides underneath his trench coat that he wears partly open. I swear, if I weren't wearing some underwear right now, I think I would just be all like unf unf unf on my table. Like this girl:
... or maybe not. Maybe more like a slightly different girl. I don't have a picture or an example of a girl who's had sex with a table ready, but I think that you'll all manage. Yeah, just look at him. He's so fine, he's so fine, he's so fine, he blows my mind, hey hey hey, and I'll be all like an effeminate horse at feeding time. smurf yeah, this guy is the boss, he's so boss that he shoots stuff and rides a motorcycle made of deity. Yeah, if Jesus rode dinosaurs, then this guy rides Indian-style dinosaurs. How can you expect to be like that? You can't, sorry.
You wanna know what? I can even tell you why you can't be like him.
Hambone - too imuch of that "not here" syndrome
I'm my own MILF - not manly enough
Jiro - too much standing downwind
Psychotic - does not appeal to effeminate homosexual men
Rodarian - isn't Indian
Wolf Kanno - is not a human
There's just too much perfect dude in here. But, someone's got to win it, so EoFF, who is the man who is going to be Snow when it's all said and done?