The Twilight Saga: Eclipse

[Clo]

I don't even understand that. How could you NOT understand hate for Breaking Dawn? Strangely, I've actually read the four books. My old girlfriend lent me the first three and I sat down and read all them bad boys, thinking, "Well, this is a simple, sleezy-minus-any-sex read" and then I walked outside into the world and holy crap, people were not seeing it for the simple, sleezy little read that I had.

I ended up reading the fourth book when it came out just to see what could possibly happen to Bella and her smurfed up little love triangle from Hell. AND OH MY GOD, I wish I had gouged my eyes out instead, to spare myself the expense of my curiosity. The fourth book was a trauma-fest of disturbing psuedo-sex scenes, plot points that I would expect from fanfiction.net and not a published book, and fun little vampire biology that consisted of a horrifying vampire baby needing its placenta chewed through.

Who in the world could possibly think this was good reading material? Maybe if the baby started killing off everyone in the town after its placenta was chewed through, making it consistent with the horror genre you would assume of such DISTURBING CRAP, but no, it becomes a loving daughter with a name that made me vomit a little.

To be fair, Eclipse was my favorite of the four books, mainly because it wasn't 500 PAGES OF TALKING. So that's not saying much. I liked the newborn vampires, they were a cool idea. I guess. I'm trying to not sound so angry, okay?

And yes, I will see Breaking Dawn when the movie comes out, because I sort of just want to see how they handle the destructo-baby breaking Bella's spine thing, and the blood-gore fest that is Edward pulling out a baby while Bella's all Nightmare C-Sectioned with all her bones broken. Someone should just gouge my eyes out now.