Dear Lily,
I don't really know how to tell you this, but our affair is over. I think I realized it when I finally changed my underwear with George Bush and Stephen Harper and I saw you sit on my father. I'm sure you're ashamed enough to understand that we're related. I'm returning your toe ring to you, but I'll keep your collection of butterflies as a memory. You should also know that I will not tell the authorities that you stole the whale from the backyard and your cucumber fetishism is weird. Best of luck on the sex change, Steph.
