I think this is just a semantic disagreement over what "marriage" means (and also demonstrates another problem with the government being able to enforce their own arbitrary definition; see gay marriage). The issue Clo and I have is that the perspective of many people is that if you aren't "married" according to their definition, then your relationship isn't serious. You might not see it that way, but a lot of people do.
Not being married would mean you weren't married.Originally Posted by Clo
Wait, so not having a ring would mean I wasn't married?I don't think it means your relationship isn't serious, it just doesn't mean that you're married.This is the main reason this issue bugs me at all. Some people believe if you don't follow their rituals, your relationship isn't very serious. You're right to dismiss them, but I can see that being annoying.
Also, I would think that people who don't take the whole ceremony side of it seriously would do it more often, not oppose it. If you think it's such a stupid trifle then why not get married at a city hall the next time you're in a relationship and then enjoy all the tax benefits?
I also don't think having a ring means your engaged either, maybe when you set a date then it would be closer to being engaged to be married. Anything else I would simply class under 'committed'.
How am I supposed to awkwardly and drunkenly voice my objection if there's no "wedding"?I love that comic! I hate the words girlfriend and boyfriend because I tend to call my girl friends and boy friends that. Words suck.
All I know with the "ceremony" is that it won't be a ceremony. No vows, definitely no white dress, no priest, most certainly no aisle, no rings, no brides maids, no groomsmen, no father walking anyone anywhere, hardly any family, no white wedding cake (but there will be some smurfing cake... would have to be vegan cake...), and lots of alcohol and music and dancing.And it most certainly won't be the "best day of my life" because that would suck, I'd still be in my early to middle 20s. I am definitely expecting to have an onslaught of better days in the next twenty, thirty, forty, fifty years.
Anyway, it all seems like a great excuse to put together a very long-lasting party.
That one's easy enough. You and me, what we'll do is we'll pay a friendly visit to the gentleman in question. Some duct tape, the trunk of a car, and a long drive out into the desert should see him right. Pair of shovels, too, just in case we happen to take a wrong turn down accidental head trauma avenue.
I don't really care if she gets married, mind you. I'm only in on this because I don't think you and I spend enough time with each other anymore and I think it'd be a good bonding experience.
D'awww, that's so sweet, Paul. I'm in, we'll be a two-man wolf pack.
I approve of this male bonding experience, however counterproductive it may be for my future plans.
It would certainly be a wicked story to tell later.
Master of the Fork
Cid's Knight
I like weddings. It gives me an excuse to dress up and I love playing dress up. There is just a certain enjoyment out of spinning in a dress and it going flooff around you
If my SO proposed to me in some Harry potter themed way i'd definitely say yes.
My only problem with anti-wedding people is that I feel bad referring to someone they area really committed to as just their boyfriend/girlfriend. If they're as committed as someone who went through a marriage ceremony of some sort, boyfriend/girlfriend doesn't seem like a serious enough label. Which means I'm getting caught up on labels, which makes me annoyed with myself, but boyfriend/girlfriend just doesn't feel serious enough and "partner" feels awkward.
I liked on Grey's Anatomy, when the main characters signed a Post It in the locker room and that was their wedding. It doesn't have to be anything major, and I don't see rings as necessary (mine is pretty, but BJ doesn't wear one 'cause he's got skelefingers).
Basically, a marriage starts, from my perspective, when two people seriously say "it's us, together, for the rest of our lives, starting... now." At that point the other person is your husband or wife, no matter who else was there to witness the moment, whether or not you signed anything, whether or not you have rings. Though I think it really strengthens that commitment to go through some type of ceremony, and to declare it in front of friends and family and stuff. I think it's reasonable that people find it easier to take such a commitment seriously when the couple has put effort into making a big deal out of their declaration, though that doesn't excuse buttholes who refuse to accept any less than all the hoopla.
And that is my fresh-out-of-bed ramble for the day.
LOL I love that scene in Grey's Anatomy.
I will be very clear on this: I got married for two things. One was to put up with my wife's mother; when visiting her family, we could not stay in the same room because it was "unchaste" and all that malarkey. She wanted us married and suddenly everything was great, even though she loved me before I was a son-in-law and I was practically family before then. The other reason was more pertinent: tax break! I like paying less money for doing something I am already doing, id est living with the girl I love. I love practical benefits.
We did not have any proposals. We had been living together for three years or so before we mutually decided putting up with the farce that is marriage benefited us enough financially to be hypocritical. We took our time getting to it. One week we bought plain white-gold bands for the symbolism. The next week we went down to the county clerk's office to get our license so we could get married. And then everything went crazy. At the final bit where we were getting our license validated, a nosy clerk kept on asking us how soon we were getting married. I started off by saying maybe sometime in the month, she asked maybe that week, I said possibly, and then she said HEY YOU KNOW THIS JUDGE KEEPS TWO HOURS OPEN EVERY FRIDAY FOR WALK-IN MARRIAGES HOW ABOUT NOW? And while I was about to tell her to shut the heck up, my to-be-wife said HELL YEAH. So we got our license, and on the elevator down, we phoned everyone we locally knew, we drove home for better clothes (we were out in laundry day clothes), and met our witnesses in the court lobby. Ten minutes later, we went out for drinks at a nearby restaurant and took pictures outdoors in a picturesque part of town. I have no idea where our certificate went; it probably lies crumpled in the bottom of some file box.
I only told this story because I do not think marriages, should they be suffered, need not pomp and anyone who wants to force their ideals upon your marriage or lack thereof can shut up. Oh, and her mother died, so I no longer need to humor that woman's particular hang-ups. That is the moral of this story.
I don't really think people are taken less serious if they aren't actually married. I would take a couple who's been dating for seven years just as serious as a couple who's been married for seven years. An official, licensed marriage is simply just a legal way to recognize it. And who the hell doesn't want a huge party to celebrate that you've actually recognized that you want to spend the rest of your lives together?
The best thing about weddings and marriages is that they are unique to the individuals who are in them. Yes, the norm is a church wedding with a pastor. Yes, the norm is to sign a certificate. Yes, the norm is a white dress. But you don't need all that if you're just ready to announce that you want to spend your life with one other person.
I will be having a secular wedding, and I will be wearing a black dress. You are all invited to see how awesome I'll look.
Pleeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaase!
If I have a big wedding that I invite people to, I am going to exclude anyone that tells me weddings are dumb and I don't need one. No party and free food for those losers
You tell 'em!If I have a big wedding that I invite people to, I am going to exclude anyone that tells me weddings are dumb and I don't need one. No party and free food for those losers
I love weddings, free food, free booze, and dancing.
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