Agreed!Originally Posted by Clo
Agreed!
I have to do at least one awesome thing a week. EOFF, this is your week. I'm reopening this thread because it amuses me.
...
Poop!
This thread has been amusing enough; now it is even more entertaining.
XD Best. Thread. Ever.
If only I had a nickel for every time I've heard that...
I'd be rich off of Shlup alone.
Imagine Raistlin shaving the area between his scrotum and his arsehole. He then puts the shavings into a blender along with a melon. You must consume the resulting mixture.
Imagine Raistlin with a heavy cold, violently inserting his nose into your belly button.
Imagine Raistlin holding you down. He hasn't brushed his teeth in days, and he screams in your face. Phlegm and blood from his gums go into your eyes.
Imagine a sweaty Raistlin beef rump sandwich ferociously pumping. I don't even know what this means, but imagine it.
Imagine Raistlin's crusty and sodden underpants being used to slap you in the face.
That's called the "taint".Imagine Raistlin shaving the area between his scrotum and his arsehole. He then puts the shavings into a blender along with a melon. You must consume the resulting mixture.
Thanks man.
Imagine the universe being replaced by Raistlin's excrement-encrusted taint. Forever.
Imagine coming home from a long hard day at work, you feel more tired than usual and all you want to do is get a shower, put on some comfortable clothes and relax. You undress, head to your bathroom and open the door to find Raistlin sitting on the floor angrily debating an inane political issue with your unresponsive toilet, occasionally getting frustrated and slapping it gingerly.
Imagine picking up the phone every time you need to call someone, and hearing Raistlin at the other end of the line rubbing the reciever across his nipples and letting out an occasional high pitched squeal.
Imagine sitting down at your computer with the curtains drawn, intending to scour the internet for pictures of your favourite pop singer falling out of his/her clothes, and having your computer endlessly open new browsers with pictures of Raistlin posing in a provocative manner, wearing a t-shirt he has pulled underneath and out through the collar to fashion a bikini.
Imagine pouring yourself a bowl of cereal to find a note falls out, that is handwritten by Raistlin and details his love for animals small enough to fit in Paris Hiltons handbag and how each piece of cereal represents a different animal and that he has kissed each one.
Imagine waking up in the morning, rolling over in bed half awake and groggily opening your eyes. You see Raistlin casually stretching at the foot of your bed, in your favourite outfit while staring at you with wild, manic eyes. He is breathing heavily and has worked up a good sweat.
Imagine eating a nice bowl of ice cream, when your taste something that doesn't feel quite right in your mouth. You gently take it out of your mouth, and examine it. It is black and lumpy. Raistlin then walks in, and shows you a video of him digging said lump out of his ear, and putting it into the ice cream. He then rubs the spoon you've just been eating from between his hairy toes, and giggles. The video ends.
Imagine going on a date to the movies with "The One". Maybe it's your spouse, maybe it's your long term boyfriend or girlfriend. Maybe it's just that one person you've really wanted for a long time. It's going great! You turn to him/her to make a witty comment. All you see is Raistlin's grinning face, an inch from your own. "They're inside of me now!" he cackles.
Imagine logging onto your favourite forum, Eyes on Final Fantasy. You have a new PM, from none other than Raistlin. "Check your shoulder" it reads. You look, and you can clearly see teethmarks going deeply into your flesh. You know they were not there last night.
Imagine Raistlin lying on your bed, squeezing a particularly nasty sore. It sends yellow goo all over your pillow. He then wanders into your bathroom, cuts a slit into your toothpaste and scoops some of the pus into the tube, sealing it up nicely. You don't realise until it's too late.
Imagine Raistlin sending you photos of himself, totally naked, using your beloved cat/dog to cover himself up. He looks absolutely furious in the pictures. Your pet looks sad.
Imagine hearing strange sounds coming from your living room one day. You go to investigate, and upon opening the door you are horrified to find Raistlin furiously pleasuring himself. You tear your eyes away from the scene, only to be disturbed further when you see that he is watching Dragon Ball Z.
Imagine waking with a start in the middle of the night. You feel very uncomfortable and realise you are soaked from head to toe in a strange smelling liquid of indescribable texture. Raistlin stands in the corner of your room, a glint in his eye. He is laughing, and he does not stop for hours.
Imagine finally securing an interview for a job after months of trying, preparing yourself as best you can and steeling your nerves only to enter the interview room to find Raistlin draped across a desk wearing the same outfit as Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz, and demanding you refer to him as "Obersturnfuhrer Margaret Hasselhoff". You really need this job.
Imagine Christmas morning, as you eagerly tear into your christmas present from your mother only to find upon opening the parcel that it is filled with several various kinds of hair. You find a note from Raistlin demanding you identify which part of his body each hair came from, and failure will result in your mother experiencing the terror known as the "Massachusetts Airhorn"
Imagine Raistlin eating museli from your wife
Imagine Raistlin with a cordless drill, working hard to put up a shelf in the middle of your kitchen. Around him are the corpses of several ducklings, and several half-drunk bottles of Mountain Dew.
Imagine going to the grocery store to stock up on much needed supplies. You inadvertently glance down the baby products aisle. You are treated to the sight of Raistlin and several beefy looking men performing aerobics in skin-tight lycra singlets. You stare, absolutely amazed at what you see. Suddenly, Raistlin spies you. "SEIZE THEM!" he shrieks, and although you try to flee, you can't outrun all of these men, who speedily pin you to the ground. Raistlin strolls over, and kneels down next to you. "You're in my world now" he whispers.
You return home one afternoon. Your mother calls your name, and you go to see what she wants. When you peer round the door, you see only Raistlin. He is wearing a tie and your mother's best slippers. He walks up to you and begins to repeatedly stroke your cheek. "Ssshhhh shhhhhh" he simpers in your mother's voice. "There'll be no more pain anymore."
Imagine going out to your car one frosty December morning to discover an intricately carved and painted figurine of yourself absolutely naked, sporting a ridiculously large and engorged penis sitting on your dashboard. A note is attached. It reads, "There's more where that came from. Raistlin xxx"
Imagine being trapped in a room with Raistlin and Iceglow. For hours they argue with each other over various topics, neither one willing to admit defeat to the other. They are both equally long winded and often nonsensical. Eventually, the friction turns into mutual attraction and they begin to engage in copulation right before your eyes, the clothes they threw haphazardly from themselves mostly hanging off of you.
Imagine leaving your house to take a walk, plugging your headphones into your MP3 player and finding that no matter which of your many songs you attempt to play all that blares out is Raistlin describing each and every little thing he would like to do to you if you were physically restrained. Remember, you are in public so you cannot cry because it would make you look foolish, so you bottle it all up inside.
Imagine being thrown into the back of a van and being rendered unconcious. When you come to, Raistlin is in front of you with a solitary tear streaming down his face. He embraces you warmly and whispers "I've waited so long for this day. Mandee" into your ear. The memories of that day will never be erased.
Imagine taking a leisurely stroll through the park. You hear a gentle crying coming from behind a bush, and, thinking someone may be in peril, you cautiously pull back the branches to investigate. You find Raistlin dressed as a baby, alternating between shovelling leaves into his mouth and sobbing. He looks up at you, aghast, and then punches you in the groin before taking off running.
Imagine Raistlin projectile vomitting on the back of your head while you are on a long haul flight. He apologies profusely, before promising to make it up to you. His way of making things up to you involves giving you three in-flight peanuts and treating you to a speech on the evils of organised religion. You are unable to get up and clean yourself off throughout this entire ordeal.
Imagine Raistlin passionately kissing your grandmother. They are lying together in a pile of your underwear.
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