Don't ask me anything

[NeoCracker]

Instead of me answering your questions, I shall pass merciless judgment on you in the form of scathing remarks which may or may not be true, and condemn you to some kind of punishment of my own choosing.

[Agent Proto]

Can I go first? Oh wait, that was a question. Allow me to rephrase that...

I should go first.

[NeoCracker]

Oh ye frail agent, of all the great people the color blue could have asked to represent it, why did it pick such a weak maggot? Perhaps it was out on one of it's many drug binges the night it decided, and it was to late to take it back. No color would ask the very incarnation of incompetence to hold it's banner.

For you, there is a special punishment indeed. You are here by condemned to 25 years of cleaning up after 50 old people with no control of their bowels, and your only tools are your tooth brush, one case of 50 toothpicks, and a mop and magical mop bucket that makes all water put in it dirty.

[NorthernChaosGod]

Try me.

[G13]

This should be good.

[blackmage_nuke]

k

[NeoCracker]

Try me.

The ones who bark do so only to hide their lack of bite. 'Try me' you say? Trying is something one does on something worthy of their time.

A punishment for you shall be easy. A swift kick to the balls, the pain of which shall never leave your crotch for the remainder of your earthly life.

This should be good.

So, this one fancies himself a guardian? The shell of a protector is all you wear. You fall short, time and time again, shrouding yourself in illusions of chivalry and triumph. The true guardian here is not you, but the veil that shields you from the reality you reject.

But one punishment shall suffice to you. No longer can you reject your failures, for they shall be put on display for you. Throughout the remainder of your days, you will periodically haunted by images and flashbacks of your worst memories, recalled in the most exquisite detail.

Edit:

k

Nothing of importance comes to mind with you. No scathing comments, nor any words of praise. You are but a blip that will soon fade, never to be seen again.

The feelings of loneliness, the knowledge of just how little you matter that you already inflict upon yourself, that is a punishment for more suitable then one I could ever give you.

[blackmage_nuke]

When I find the cure for cancer you're not getting any

[Rodarian]

I'm not going to ask, I'll just give you spam...

[Ultima Shadow]

I stole your creditcard. Then I cooked it and fed it to a babywolf. Now, punish me for being a naughty boy. =)

[fire_of_avalon]

*wiggle*

[Rantz]

I long to be judged.

[Peegee]

I'm universally loved and adored. Come at me bro

[NorthernChaosGod]

That was weak, you suck.

[Madame Adequate]

This should be endearingly mediocre.