This Ciddies truly has some of the most prestigious MLT awards we've ever had. Massive beards, Honey Bee girls... what could be more intimidating to the average internet user? But maybe the most prestigious award of all this year is this one. Who could possibly pull off such a feat as hijacking Santa's sleigh? It takes guts, brains, brawn and a whole lot of confidence. All in all, it takes a criminal mastermind - and we seem to have five members who are more likely to succeed than the rest. Who are these people and how would they do something like that?
We have
Christmas who has been preparing for a surreptitious takeover since day one. For years she has been changing details about herself to make the transition seem less sudden when she takes the reins, quite literally, from Santa. First it was the name change, then came the santa hat and coat. If she's left to her work, our presents will soon be delivered by a tiny blue creature yelling, "HO HO HO, ANY NICE KIDZ HERE! SANTA ARE HUNGRY!
"
Clo's tactic might seem hard to deduce, but fear not! I have haxx0red into her secret files and retrieved her plans for the takeover. This picture about sums it all up.
Next we have
Jiro. Why would he try to hijack Santa's sleigh? Because he's antepodean and thus pure evil by nature, of course. Or maybe that is the easy explanation. Are we perhaps looking at a case of beard envy? Let us assume so. How would he do it? See, he's hard to figure out, but I believe his weapon of choice would be a knife. I think we can all see it before us: Jiro waiting on an iceberg near the North Pole, and when the sleigh passes by below it, he jumps down behind Santa and puts the knife to his neck, commanding him to give up the reins, and when that happens, throwing the big red guy into the icy sea that will be his grave.
Loony BoB would do it out of pure insanity, no doubt. I envision a power-hungry and overcaffeinated BoB just hurling himself at the sleigh and tearing his shirt off, furiously banging his chest before attacking Santa with his bare hands and teeth, tearing and clawing and biting. The two fighters disappear in a big cloud while onomatopoeia and limbs take turns emerging from it. When the fight ends, only one person remains. Dressed in Santa's outfit, there's nothing to give away what just happened apart from an twisted grin under the beard and the two evil eyes gazing out from under Santa's hat.
Lastly, there's
Psychotic, who no doubt would employ his trusted Halo crew, effortlessly performing the takeover in a flurry of explosions. Once that's done and dusted, a big ceremony will take place where everyone involved take turns teabagging the deformed corpse of Santa Claus. Screenshots will be had, memes will be started and the souls of millions of children will be ruined forever. A generation of detached children will demand of their parents that Master Chief and nobody else brings them presents. They will most likely grow up to be serial killers and rapists, because that's what video games do to you.
Merry Christmas, kids! Enjoy your new Santa, whoever it is!