Play this song while you listen to this speech. It makes it better.
Men. Men are awesome. Mean make the world great. Without men, Laddy would be lonely, as would all the women. Some men are just better. In fact, some men are the best. So who is the Best Male? Let’s look in closer detail. When ShlupQuack created the world, She decided she needed some men to make Her sandwiches and give Her worth. So, she created men. Seven men, to be exact. These men are the BEST.
Blues Agent was the first man Shlup created; he is an agent of blues. He made Shlup eternally happy by feeding her little lies that she was attractive, pleasant, and fun to be with. Blues Agent succeeds in this regard. Now Shlup decided men are pretty frickin’ awesome and made more men.
Guardian XIII was next. He gave Shlup foot massages and bought her drapes. You know, because she’s a woman. Guardian XIII was the best at rubbing feet and buying drapes Shlup had ever seen. Shlup had never done anything worth while in her life. (Because she’s a woman.) Guardian XIII made her feel otherwise.
I’m My Own MILF sang Shlup songs of mercy, love, and hope. She delighted in his Freddie Mercury-esque vocals and charming falsetto. He never failed to impress Her with his amazing talent. He was so good, he gave Shlup and eargasm.
Jiro was a specialist. Oh yes, master of Shlup’s intimate desires, Jiro never failed at what he did best, in which I will not mention. Jiro never wavered, for his task was difficult, fearsome, and likely to get him lost or killed, whatever happened first. Jiro was especially talented and Shlup was proud of him.
NorthernChaosGod pleased Shlup with a variety of delicious dishes. From delicious Baked Alaska to scrumptious Portobello Steak Omelets. NCG never failed at creating the best dishes, at Shlup ate like a hound and turned into even more of a porker slob.
Psychotic told a variety of brilliant stories and tales, each filled with heroism, mystery, drama and Roger Rabbit x Simon Cowell smut. He told it so well and with such drama, Shlup would laugh and cry at them almost as effortlessly as she does anything else.
Rantizen was in charge of fixing things Shlup broke, which was a lot. He would fix TV’s, stereos, toilets, bathtubs, sanities, and chairs. He would even fix it wearing nothing but a tiny red leather Speedo. This made Shlup very happy and marginally more efficient.
So, there you have it, the story of the Greatest Men Ever. I hope you enjoy. I know Shlup sure did.
Originally Posted by Guardian XIII
I wasn't aware we could be banned for having brain damage.
