Dear NorthernChaosGod,

We would like to remind you: put up or shut up.

Cheers,

Us (Not to be confused with You)

***

I hear about my own drunk stories, not tell them. I am, of course, too hammered to remember anything. The last time I was proper trashed, I woke up to an angry lesbian (her girlfriend was not angry). A story previous to that, I woke up in a running cold shower, face near the drain (how clever the cleanup). One early morning, my phone screams at me and I answer, only to have my mother scream at me for calling her at midnight to tell her she was a grandmother (best prank ever). One day after Halloween I found I was not wearing any panties (I dressed as a transvestite prostitute; normal attire enough). Yet another time, I eventually realized I was walking home wearing a girl's turtleneck sweater and sans pants (I somehow kept my keys). I refrain from drinking heavily now.