This is about me, all about me. I admit that right off.

Like a coward, I've been posting on line why I can't make friends, why I'm not happy. I've been finding reasons, hiding behind excuses. I know I struggle socially and I know I'm not happy, I'm depressed, I'm lonely. My life isn't everything I would plan for it to be, had I the choice. So what? is any one's?

But, I make these threads that ultimately are about me, and I go on and on about whatever I'm on about and it's just me complaining about my problems. I'm trying, I really am trying to figure out my problems. But, I think people misunderstand, misinterpret this. I'm trying to be a better person and I have no one to talk to, no friends, no family. I know you might not buy that but I'm not comfortable around others and don't get my ideas out as clearly as when in type. I DO HAVE Family and people I could try to talk to and yet first I find myself making excuses. And then more excuses, and then more...LOL, damn...

So, that's a excuse and I'd love to be able to be inspired to find true love in real life, real relationships, become verbal, intelligent in real world communication. And maybe that is a problem flaw i currently have. I could accept that. Maybe i just haven't found the proper area of motivation, inspiration to learn from.

But life is so short, and I keep dramatizing my life, over playing it, and it's selfish and obnoxious on these forums. So, I apologize.

I'm just lonely. And I know i don't deserve that much attention and I don't give a lot back. I could make excuses but ultimately I don't mean to hurt any one. Yet I seem to go through life leaving bad impressions and hurting people.

I've been so ignorant, in wanting to make excuses, in wanting people to think I've had my share of bad experiences that I'm not thankful enough for what I have. The first place I go from there is trying to find flaws to explain myself and yet I should keep on trying to see the positive.

Yet I keep making excuses and I haven't seen more positive yet and yet I keep being negative.