Ace Reporter Jiro's Elections Coverage - IMPORTANT UPDATE!

[NorthernChaosGod]

You spread lies! Lies and slander!

[Freya]

Don't believe Ondores lies!

[Jiro]

I want daily audio coverage of this election. Recorded in a horse-racing commentator's voice.

I would record straight to Youtube if I knew how.

Also, I tell no lies I'll tell you one thing though: The Princess Party has been sending me threats and insults. THEY'RE NOT AS NICE AS YOU WOULD THINK.

[Jiro]

Breaking News! Current President Psychotic has joined the Poké Party! What kind of ramifications will this have on the other parties? It is a well known fact that Psychotic commands respect and his popularity knows no bounds. Giving his allegiance to the Poké Party is an obvious boost for the party, and cements them as a credible threat in this election.

The Poké Party leader, Pokékeeper, will be approached for his views on this event as soon as possible. Watch this space for a potential interview!

This election race just gets better and better, gentle reader. Be assured, I will follow each and every news story to ensure the most comprehensive coverage out there!

[Jiro]

I caught up with Poké Party leader Pokékeeper for an exclusive interview regarding PsychoticWalrein's decision to join his party. He was hesitant at first, but eager for his party to get its voice heard. After some prodding he agreed.



Jiro: What sort of effect do you think this will have on your party?

Pokékeeper: I was delighted to see that PsychoticWalrein knew that he couldn't go wrong by following his heart and decided to join the PokéParty. We all know Walrein is a tough, hardy Pokémon, and I do believe that his use of Sheer Cold, Blizzard and Encore will help push our party through these elections.

J: Has there been any indication that PsychoticWalrein will contest the leadership of the Poké Party?

P: No such discussion has taken place as of yet, but as PsychoticWalrein put it himself, our dream has always been to fight arm in arm.

J: Would you be happy to play the Swan to his Gillard, as it were?

P: It's rather unorthodox for a Pokémon to lead a person, but no matter where our destiny leads, I'll be there for EoFF, always come through. And that you can believe.

J: So do you think the Poké Party has what it takes to win the election?

P: At first I had my doubts, but now that we've got moving, I know we're gonna make it through. The Poké Party was born to be a winner, born to be a champion, born to be the very best.

J: Thank you for your time, and good luck!

[Psychotic]

I have no intention of challenging for leadership. It's his party, and I am proud to just be a regular Joe...lteon who is part of the team. obviously I do have experience of leading a party in 5 different PokéBattles, so if he wants any advice, I'll give it to him! Ultimately, though, I am the Brock to his Ash.

best photos ever.

[Timekeeper]

Those photos were very fun to make, and I think your experience will prove to be more useful than a rare candy

[NorthernChaosGod]

So that's what makes the PokeParty tick.

[Yar]

I want to change parties now

[Jiro]

The Poké Party has seen a rapid rise in it's members since it's conception only 48 hours ago. These are good signs for the party and it's leader, whose performance last year gave great strength to the 501st Legion.

The impact of PsychoticWalrein's membership is still unknown, but we can be sure his experience will aid greatly during the election tasks.

In other news, the Cactuar and Hemp Taco Party recently received a gift of coloured Cactuar avatars, kindly donated by Mandalore the Guardian. Is this genuine generosity, or perhaps a vote buying scheme?

The Newbie Party has successfully recruited members Melissaur and Shaibana, whose loyalty was torn between Loony BoB and Hypoallergenic Cactuar, leader of the Cactuar and Hemp Taco Party. While an obvious blow to Hypoallergenic Cactuar's ranks, the party still has the numbers to take on the rest of the competition.

With 90 minutes left until this first stage of the elections over, which party will cement itself as the dominant force, if any? Time will tell, gentle readers, time will tell.

[Jiro]

I apologise for my absence faithful readers, but technological meltdown (nothing to do with Japan, don't make bad jokes) caused me to be unable to bring you this breaking story. However, an anonymous former hero who is neither living nor dead, somewhere in between (and a former hero I might add) approached me important information!

This anonymous person informed me that the Deputy Prime Ministerial candidate of the 501st Legion is actually undead. He is a zombie wookie, gentle readers!

"It happened a few years ago, around Halloween," Anonymous said.

"He was seen being very secretive with the one known as livingdeadgirl and then for the next several days acted very strangely.

"Everyone assumed this was of course because he'd never been on a date before but the truth is she turned into one of the shambling horde."

This might well have major repurcussions throughout the 501st Legion who has a strict No Zombie policy! Get all the updates as they arise!

[G13]

I thought you were running a respectable newspaper, not a tabloid.

[qwertysaur]

He is just following every news story to bring the best coverage possible.

You are running a year old party, so it's got a years worth of scandals to explore. For all we know you are also undead under that helmet.

[Jiro]

While I was sorting some files in my office, I stumbled upon a sealed and unsigned letter. It was a very strange thing, and not being one to suspect letter bombs or anthrax (because I am a well respected and liked journalist of course), I opened it, thinking it to be some sort of anonymous tip. It wasn't.

It was a letter from one of my trusted colleauges, and its contents are startling. I give it to you now, unedited, for it is important and deserves to be heard.

I don't know how this is going to effect the elections and I do not care anymore. The people need to see the information that I have obtained on each candidate, regardless of what happens to me. Regardless of what happens in the elections, they must be made away before the wrong people are put into power. Please, this information must be revealed the the press and the Election's own Ace Reporter is the only one that can do it. You must help the people!

------

After doing some digging, I uncovered some information that could prove damaging to the parties involved in the election. Each and every one is more damning than the next, though they are all very serious. If the candidates are supporting such things, who knows what else they are doing.

First, the Cactaur/Hemp Taco Party. A witness stepped forward with photographic evidence that details the crimes that this party has been committing. Illegal chemical dumping is only the tip of the iceberg, but there isn't any time to uncover the rest. The photographer of this picture would like to stay anonymous, but he tells me that it was taken at Yellowstone National Park. The ramifications from altering the environment could prove absolutely hazardous to not only the United States, but the entire world!

Next is the so-called "Justice" League of the Internet. Though their group is comprised of known super villains (despite said super villains having.. extraordinarily useless powers), the people that they consort with under the radar are criminal masterminds. This following picture was taken by a private investigator hired by the 501st to track down any dirt on the JLI. The evidence is damning, and God only knows who else they are making deals with: Lex Luther? Magneto? Kim Jong-il?

The heinous actions taken by The Poké Party are leaps and bounds above what has been discovered here. Clearly nobody told PokeKeeper that slavery was outlawed in most civilized countries a very long time ago. Those poor Pokemon must be saved from further abuse! The 501st has also uncovered a few pieces of the lyrics from a rough draft of the Pokemon theme song:

I will travel across the land
searching far and wide
teach pokemon to understand
who the smurf's in charge

(Not only does it condone slavery and pokeabuse, but for god sakes those lyrics are an affront to musicians everywhere)

After doing a background check on the members of the Princess Party, those working for the 501st have uncovered some expunged records of the inspiration and one of the highest profile members of the group: Princess Peach. Not only was she arrested for drug trafficking, but it seems she was also the head of a prostitution ring, racketeering and jury tampering, and she may also have ties to PokeKeeper. The two of them appear to have been involved in a massive baby Pokemon trafficking ring that spanned the entire globe and was responsible for the kidnapping, selling, and death of thousands of young Pokemon. Oh the tragedy! Below is a picture of a not-so-good looking Peach being processed for her crimes:

That's a pretty long wrapsheet for someone who isn't even 18-years-old.

And, of course, the most horrifying bit of information is saved for last. The acts that are about to be told to you are not only absolutely criminal, but they are downright disgusting. What kind of man, no. What kind of chocobo does this for a living and thinks he can get away with it? My sources have revealed to me that the leader of the Newbie Party was once the proud owner of a candy van. Not a van that sells candy, no.. that would be fine. This van was used to lure children for nefarious purposes. I don't even want to think about it anymore. The following picture is incriminating enough. Sickening. Absolutely sickening.

----

I pray that this information reaches you in good health. God only knows what else these people are capable of and they may have already gotten to me. This information may cause me to be killed, but please publish it as soon as possible. I pray that nothing will happen to either of us as a result of this information getting out but please, you must help me! For the good of the elections! For the good of EoFF!

Grave news EoFF, grave news indeed.

[G13]

Now that's news.