I don't know how this is going to effect the elections and I do not care anymore. The people need to see the information that I have obtained on each candidate, regardless of what happens to me. Regardless of what happens in the elections, they must be made away before the wrong people are put into power. Please, this information must be revealed the the press and the Election's own Ace Reporter is the only one that can do it. You must help the people!
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After doing some digging, I uncovered some information that could prove damaging to the parties involved in the election. Each and every one is more damning than the next, though they are all very serious. If the candidates are supporting such things, who knows what else they are doing.
First, the
Cactaur/Hemp Taco Party. A witness stepped forward with photographic evidence that details the crimes that this party has been committing. Illegal chemical dumping is only the tip of the iceberg, but there isn't any time to uncover the rest. The photographer of this picture would like to stay anonymous, but he tells me that it was taken at Yellowstone National Park. The ramifications from altering the environment could prove absolutely hazardous to not only the United States, but the entire world!
Next is the so-called
"Justice" League of the Internet. Though their group is comprised of known super villains (despite said super villains having.. extraordinarily useless powers), the people that they consort with under the radar are criminal masterminds. This following picture was taken by a private investigator hired by the 501st to track down any dirt on the JLI. The evidence is damning, and God only knows who else they are making deals with: Lex Luther? Magneto?
Kim Jong-il?
The heinous actions taken by
The Poké Party are leaps and bounds above what has been discovered here. Clearly nobody told PokeKeeper that slavery was outlawed in most civilized countries a very long time ago. Those poor Pokemon must be saved from further abuse! The 501st has also uncovered a few pieces of the lyrics from a rough draft of the Pokemon theme song:
I will travel across the land
searching far and wide
teach pokemon to understand
who the smurf's in charge
(Not only does it condone slavery and pokeabuse, but for god sakes those lyrics are an affront to musicians everywhere)
After doing a background check on the members of the
Princess Party, those working for the 501st have uncovered some expunged records of the inspiration and one of the highest profile members of the group: Princess Peach. Not only was she arrested for drug trafficking, but it seems she was also the head of a prostitution ring, racketeering and jury tampering, and she may also have ties to PokeKeeper. The two of them appear to have been involved in a massive baby Pokemon trafficking ring that spanned the entire globe and was responsible for the kidnapping, selling, and death of thousands of young Pokemon. Oh the tragedy! Below is a picture of a not-so-good looking Peach being processed for her crimes:
That's a pretty long wrapsheet for someone who isn't even 18-years-old.
And, of course, the most horrifying bit of information is saved for last. The acts that are about to be told to you are not only absolutely criminal, but they are downright
disgusting. What kind of man, no. What kind of
chocobo does this for a living and thinks he can get away with it? My sources have revealed to me that the leader of the
Newbie Party was once the proud owner of a candy van. Not a van that sells candy, no.. that would be fine. This van was used to lure children for nefarious purposes. I don't even want to think about it anymore. The following picture is incriminating enough. Sickening. Absolutely sickening.
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I pray that this information reaches you in good health. God only knows what else these people are capable of and they may have already gotten to me. This information may cause me to be killed, but please publish it as soon as possible. I pray that nothing will happen to either of us as a result of this information getting out but please, you must help me! For the good of the elections! For the good of EoFF!