Oh, you'd like that wouldn't you? I WONDER WHY...Originally Posted by Loony BoB
That's right! It's time for another award-winning edition of:
Psychotic F. Walrein here, bringing you a SHOCKING revelation about the leader of the so-called Newbie Party, an individual who refers to himself as "Loony BoB".
Allegations are flying around that because only BoB's oldbie friends want to join his supposed Newbie Party, he has been preying on and coercing newer members into joining. We vowed to uncover THE TRUTH!
A member of the The Poké Party went undercover wearing a wire, posing as new member sephirothdude95721, when he was approached by Loony BoB.
What you hear may disturb you.
thetruthaboutloonybob.wav
TRANSCRIPT:
(SPOILER)
Undercover Reporter: Hey guys what's going on, this is sephirothdude95721, I'm new to this website and I hope to meet some really cool people.
Loony BoB: Hi hi, I'm Loony BoB, but you can call me Daniel, mate.
Undercover Reporter: Oh hey Daniel, what's up man?
Loony BoB: Oh, you know, just chopping my wood, heheheheh! So... what are you into mate?
Undercover Reporter: Oh you know, I just like movies, reading, and of course, Final Fantasy.
Loony BoB: Final Fantasy eh? Oh! Do you like chocobos mate?
Undercover Reporter: Sure, yeah, they're pretty cool.
Loony BoB: Yeah, yeah, they are. May seem like a funny question mate, but have you ever seen a chocobos' engorged penis?
Undercover Reporter: Uhhh...no?
Loony BoB: Ahhh perfect. Look, mate, I'm holding a get together for new members, called a newbie party. You can meet some really cool people there. And maybe, just maybe mate, you'll see what I've been talking about with those chocobos.
With his trademark sinister chuckle, Loony BoB invites a new member to look at a chocobo's engorged penis. Seems harmless enough, right? Sure, if you believe the lies of the LIBERAL MEDIA!
What parents might not know is that "looking at a chocobo's engorged penis" is actually street slang for DOING DRUGS! That's right, Loony BoB, alleged respected member of Eyes on Final Fantasy, is trying to lure YOUR newbies into a life of drugs and crime and gangs!
How can we protect our newbies from this horror? Look out for the following signs in your newbie:
- Strange and unusual growths of hair on their chin.
- A newfound love of statistics and pie charts.
- Use of strange slang and phrases, such as "Bugger" and "Mate"
- An inexplicable ability to acquire attractive girls.
- Threats to shop their own grandmothers into the police.
If your newbie displays two or more of these symptoms, I am afraid you're going to have to shoot them to put them out of their misery. That or send them off to MILITARY SCHOOL!
This was a special report by Psychotic F. Walrein - the F stands for smurf YEAH!
