MANDALORE AND JULBACCA: WE'RE RAISING OUR SON TO BE TREKKIE


The married couple behind the 501st Legion, Mandalore the Guardian and Julbacca, seen here with their disturbingly contrasted faces* and their young son, Worf, have a dark secret.

PokéNews can exclusively reveal that they are actually Trekkies.

"Star Wars?" Mandalore laughed to an undercover PokéNews reporter dressed as a sheikh. "What a load of utter crap. I mean, seriously? Lightsabers?"
"Yeah" chimed in Julbacca, as he poured an entire bowl of gazpacho soup over the head of a small dog. "It's highly illogical. It just lacks the realism of Star Trek, you know? The Force? The smurf is that, man?"

This revelation will rock loyal 501st members to the core. As explained Mandalore-

"Look, nobody out there wants to vote for Star Trek. It's just not what the public want. So we dress up as Stormtroopers and parade around for the voters as they smile and cheer, but smurf them."
"Seriously" smirked Julbacca, placing his head between Mandalore's thighs and letting out a noise like a train whistle "We pretend to like Star Wars during the day, but when we come home at night, we throw off the mask. Trek until I die."

The two of them also plan to educate their son, Worf, (who publically is known as "Jango") in the ways of the USS Enterprise, as opposed to the Force. Quite how a hispanic street punk and a hairy caveman produced an asian child is anyone's guess, but I will leave that for my readers to decide for themselves.

I have been Psychotic F. Walrein, and you have all been amazing.

*hey eric you asshole how about you spend money on a proper camera so that when weirdos on the internet want to photoshop you into a gay Star Trek pose it doesn't look like ass?