The Doctor Is In

[Yar]

I can see that you all have many problems. Luckily I am qualified to deal with them all.

I'm single.

Quit restricting yourself to men. There are plenty of women out there that would love you for the pair of ears you are.

I find myself consistently unable to run at near-c velocities.

Try running faster.

I find myself screaming around spiders. How do I fix?

Do be such a big baby. It’s just a spider. Geez

Sometimes I lactate.

That’s normal for cows. Now get off the Internet and get back to the dairy.

Someone has a gun to my head and he says he will kill me unless I don't post in this thread, what do I do?

Well sounds like you’re dead already. RIP you.

If I do not ejaculate at least once every four hours, my testicles swell to the size of basketballs, which is a lot larger than their usual grapefruit size.

Fap at least once every four hours. It will reduce the swelling.

I'm having the same problem as MILF.

Circlejerk.